Bonzi VS JurassicJinx

It is time for storytime with Bonzi and today's story is a doozy! Once upon a time in the land of Deviantart there was a nasty little repulsive peanut-brained trollup by the name of JurassicJinx. Jinx showed great potential with his Goosebumps art but wasted his skills on making petty rants about how he hated Elsa from Frozen being paired up with Jack Frost from Rise of the Guardians! 'Ugh, I hate Jelsa shipping.' He would often moan as he made hateful responses to comments from other people.

One day a user named Nathan Forester was checking his feed when a new submission from them popped up, he clicked on it only to get a message saying that he had been blocked, now Nathan had not done anything to Jinx, at least not that he had known of but he got blocked anyway and it irked him. 'Okay, what did I do to this person to get on their bad side? This man obviously has issues with me if he went all through that to block me.'

He went on facebook only to get a message from him that said 'go fuck yourself', from him. 'Okay, this guy has some serious issues. Go fuck myself? Ha, you wish, pal. As much as I love myself, I am not that gay! And this is coming from the Jelsa pairing hater? You hate Jelsa as a pairing yet you totally ship them together in your non-existent projects which is a dumb thing to do because no one ever looks at your work anyway. You are a hypocrite.' 'No I am not, I am not a hypocrite!' 'You act like it's wrong for people to critique your Goosebumps covers yet you make mocking art of people who critique your work? You are an asshole. I wish someone would come and teach you a lesson.'

A puff of purple smoke materialized and a purple gorilla emerged from it...'Speak your wish and I shall grant it. For I am Bonzi, the lord and master of the internet!' 'I wish you would teach the user JurrassicJinx a lesson, he needs a punishment.' 'I can do that. I can teach Jinx a lesson he will not forget, and make him regret ever being rude to you, for I am a good friend and I will teach him a lesson.'

'And I am only here because apparently these Jurassic Park legacy sequels keep getting made and everyone loves me and hey, this show needs an annoying sidekick who makes pop culture jokes and that character is me!' the Indoraptor responded as Bonzi made his appearance. 'Who the heck is that? Is it some kind of OC created by another artist?''An OC? an OC? I am Bonzi, lord and master of the internet! Let's see who we have here, we have a character from a Disney franchise that is constantly overexposed, a character from Dreamworks who has tons of fans but has no exposure at all, and a dinosaur from one of the many reasons why Jurassic Park as a franchise does not work.' 'Hey! A LOT of people liked Fallen Kingdom, Dominion, and Jurassic World!' 'Listen here, Raptor. You only exist because some people just love cutesy characters and because dino mania apparently is not dead anymore, if it wasn't for Jurassic Park being brought out of the shadows with these legacy sequels, you wouldn't be here!'

Jinx tried to object only for Bonzi to show him a horrific vision, the horrific vision showed Elsa (who in the vision was elderly) at the premiere for the 100th installment in the Frozen franchise with a half zombie-like Anna and completely melted Olaf. 'Noooo!' 'Yes, Elsa, this will be you if Frozen doesn't stop making money, there will be more sequels and more merch and you will be too old to sing Let It Go anymore.' The vision also showed Jack Frost who was a bit younger than Elsa but still elderly, still hanging outside the Dreamworks studio for any news of a second Guardians movie. 'Oh you poor creature, this is what will happen to you. Dreamworks will never give you the time of day and you will be left waiting for another Guardians movie until you die!'

Jack Frost broke down in tears as he saw his elderly self and then Bonzi used his powers to show the Indoraptor her worst nightmare, where there were endless Jurassic Park re-quels and she was removed from all of them. 'But i'm a popular character.' 'Used to be, after Jurassic World Enter the Triassic Empire, they killed you off and replaced you with a new baby dino who is way better than you!’

‘Nooo but I am a character everyone loves!’ ‘Only because you are a cute character.’ Bonzi laughed as he then focused on how to punish all of them, he clicked his fingers and concentrated, as Elsa slowly began to feel herself freeze in place and become stiff in terms of movement as her skin slowly turned to plastic, she found herself unable to move as she shrunk down to the size of a doll. ‘You get treated like a toy by both Disney and by your so called friend Jinx, so you are best suited to be a toy.’

Jack tried to save his ‘waifu’ only to end up collapsing onto the floor in agony as white fur slowly spread all over his body and his arms bulked up, his hands swelling as his fingernails lengthened, becoming sharp claws…his clothes slowly ripping apart as he fattened up, he slowly grew taller and taller as his back became hunched. ‘What is going on, what is happening to me?’ ‘You are gaining weight and becoming a monstrous creature, that is what is happening to you.’

He moaned in agony, his cries sounding louder than usual and his voice growing deeper and deeper as his shoulders and back broadened, his ears rounding out into bear-like ones as his hair grew messier, his eyes turning blood red as his face deformed and pushed out into a demonic looking bear-like muzzle as his teeth sharpened. ‘Oh no, now my fangirls will not idolize me anymore!’ ‘Of course they will not, but hey some people are into beastly men and will totally dig you!’

Meanwhile Lily (who was from the awful Rees Adventures fics) was walking by and Bonzi used his magic to capture her…’Where do you think you are going, missy? You think that you can escape my wrath? Well missy, I have been hunting all over for you and I will punish you and teach you a lesson you will not forget.’ Lily tried to use her powers on Bonzi, unaware that her powers did not work in worlds that were not her own only for the purple gorilla to laugh at her. ‘Poor Lilly, you do not get it, do you? You cannot be all powerful in universes that are not your own because you are only limited to the world of our creator, as a totally not obvious self insert of a creator who has since stopped caring about you, you only exist to remind me of those fics that never had any value at all. I remember you told Nathan to shrivel up and die, well how would you like that to happen to you?’

‘No not an obvious excuse for age progression, anything other than to be fetish material for Alex Crayford!’ She begged but he laughed at her as her skin slowly matured and aged as she slowly found herself growing older and older, she attempted to use her powers to stop him only for him to drain them out of her body, weakening her in the process.

She grew older and older until she went from roughly being in her 20s to looking like she was in her 70s and then her 80s and finally 92 years old as her beautiful appearance shriveled up before she found herself rotting away and resembling a living mummy more than a human before collapsing into pieces on the floor. ‘Next time you insult my friends, do not be such a old hack about it or you will fall to pieces.’

Bonzi laughed as he turned his attention toward the dragon known as Isabella, Isabella was dressed in a maid outfit. ‘Well well well, looks like I have discovered Zeydaan’s personal butt buddy.’ ‘Oh no, not you, what are you going to do to me? Please do not take my identity away from me.’ ‘Oh but I will, since you so often have that happen to you often. And since Zeydaan has already been taken care of, it is your turn to be punished!’

Isabella tried to beg him for forgiveness but her pleas fell on deaf ears as her scales slowly began to soften and fall off, being replaced with soft human-looking skin as her tail retracted into her body. ‘My scales!’ ‘You will not be needing those.’ Her feet slowly shifted into human feet as her tail retracted into her body, the scales falling off in clumps and scattering all over the floor as her hands shifted to match her feet, as her clothes shapeshifted into an exotic dragon scale print robe.

Her horns retracted into her skull as her half draconic muzzle shapeshifted into a human face, as she started to think she was not born a dragon but rather a human who liked cosplaying as a sexy dragon-girl. ‘Was I a dragon before?’ ‘Actually you were not a dragon, you just like to cosplay and you like dressing up as one.’ ‘That is right, I do not know what I was thinking.’

He turned over at Jinx…’Now I have dealt with your friends and the other pests, it is time to deal with you!’ ‘Look whatever I did to get this treatment I am sorry.’ ‘Too late for that, you just had to be a little dum dum about it!’ ‘I am not a dum dum.’ ‘But you are, my dear friend.’ ‘How dare you call me a dum dum!’ ‘Well you ARE one and a particularly stupid one at that! A dum dum were-aykroyd should not be disrespecting superior beings.’

Jinx was about to object but then his stomach gurgled loudly as it began to swell and grow, pushing against his shirt and causing him to put on weight as his arms broadened, swelling as his hands enlarged, his fingers thickening in the process. ‘Ugh, am I gaining weight?’ ‘Yes, you are, because all good dum dums are tubby wubby!’ ‘Dum dum is tubby wubby? Dum dum is tubby wubby and a good were-aykroyd, tee hee! Did I just say that, but how on earth did I say those things?’ ‘They came out of your mouth, dum dum!’

That shirt of his got tighter as his chest and torso swelled with fat, growing hair on it as the buttons popped off and his stomach pushed against his belt which slowly unbuckled itself before bursting open as his stomach burst through it. ‘There we go, a nice big belly for dum dum!’

His shoes slowly burst open as his feet enlarged and developed webbed toes, his jeans slowly split open at the back and along the legs, while his legs fattened up, he tried to run but he fell over as his back and shoulders broadened, loud farts emitted from his behind as the Indoraptor attempted to help him. Of course the indoraptor’s attempts to do so were futile as she was sprayed with the gas from his farting behind. ‘Peeee uuuuuuuuu! That smells awful, I mean wow, who let the dogs out? I have not seen something stink this bad since Ishtar.’ ‘And how does a dinosaur like you know Who Let The Dogs Out and what Ishtar is?’ ‘I do not know to be honest, I am just here to be a comic relief sidekick who makes pop culture jokes.’ ‘So you admit you are unoriginal?’ ‘Pretty much, I am every annoying animal sidekick in non-Disney animated movies combined with JJ Walker in the Guyver!’ ‘Unfortunately you are a couple of decades too late, because Disney stopped doing talking animal sidekicks after 2010! And also..Universal already HAS talking dinosaurs, do Rex and Little Foot ring a bell?’

Indoraptor attempted to charge into Bonzi but Bonzi picked her up and tossed her onto the floor as needles emerged from the ground and injected themselves into the raptor which caused her to slowly find herself falling onto the floor, sinking down deeper and deeper as her scales melted off her bodies in a visceral manner, her signature saurian features distorting and warping and breaking off completely before morphing into a more sapien appearance and looking more humanoid as she turned from a dinosaur into a human.

She gasped as she saw herself…’There, much better!’ ‘I am a human?’ ‘Why yes you are, I was getting annoyed with your annoying pop culture references anyway!’, Bonzi then turned over at Jinx who was going to 6’1 as his neckline thickened, developing fat on it as his hair lengthened, his forehead elevated as his eyebrows thickened. ‘Aaaw, look at how cute my little dum dum were-aykroyd is becoming. He is sooooooo cute.’ ‘Dum dum is cute, yes, very cute, very cute and special little dum dum for master, tee hee!’ ‘He even makes tee hee noises? How sweet.’

He attempted to apologize but he sounded so very silly as his face plumped up, and his eyes widened, one turning from brown to green as his nose broadened and developed a cleft, his features shifting to look Aykroydian as his voice followed suit, also sounding extremely funny to listen to as his mind shifted as did the contents of his gallery. His Deviantart gallery no longer featured his Goosebumps covers and screenshots of his own arrogant comments but rather posts about were-aykroyds and photos of him snuggling up to his ‘master’, who was no doubt a master who loved his dum dum so much.

That was when he remembered, he was a dum dum were-aykroyd who loved eating and growing and having the master give him love and affection, he had been lonely all his life up until he discovered he was a dum dum and that there were ‘others’ like him, dum dum were-aykroyds who struggled with their eating problems. His master understood him, raised him and taught him everything he knew! He was such an obedient and sweet creature, never would attack a single living thing. ‘There we go, now what does a good dum dum do? Can anyone tell me what a good dum dum were-aykroyd does?’ ‘Oh yes, a good dum dum serves his master and loves him, tee hee!’ ‘Very good dum dum, you will get a reward for being a good boy.’

Bonzi made a box of dum dum treats appear and he fed them to the dum dum were-aykroyd that used to be Jinx. ‘Now this is better.’ He used his powers to transport Elsa to a toy store where she was sold as a collectors item, followed by transporting Isabelle to a cosplay convention where she was put to work as a ‘booth babe’, he transported Jack Frost to a modelling agency where he became the poster boy for a modelling company that catered to lovers of monsters, he transported the former indoraptor to a nature reserve where she was taught how to be a tour guide.

And finally he changed everything in the room that used to belong to Jinx, making it a shrine to a dum dum were-aykroyd master who loved him no matter what. When he was done he sent a message to Nathan and then to R.L Stine, telling him of what he had done and he sent a story to him. ‘Hey, Mr Stine ! I have a new story for you, it is called Night of the Dum Dum Were-Aykroyd!’ ‘Let me see.’ Stine read the story and was very impressed. ‘You, Bonzi are a genius! I shall get this published right away.’

Bonzi was proud as his novel got published and everyone brought copies of it now they knew all about Jinx the dum dum were-aykroyd and his beloved master, and thus the story of tonight ends but here comes the moral, never act like a total dum dum on the internet or it will haunt you for life!