It Never Works

IT NEVER WORKS….

They say that it can’t work. They say that they will always be caught. They say that no one can ever get away with it…
I say…. They are right!!!!
My name is Janice Brown. I was very happily married to a wonderful man. He is an excellent provider, husband, lover and father of both of our seven-year-old son Jess and our five-year-old daughter Cindi. I shouldn’t or couldn’t ever ask for a better man to live my life with…. Six foot one, two hundred thirty pounds, muscular and Ruggedly handsome. He makes his money in construction. He doesn’t have to work; he is independently wealthy. However, he feels like he has to contribute. So, he still works as hard today as he ever did.
I am a software consultant. I am in charge of a small team of agents that cater to the more elite classes of business we serve…. Something happened the last few weeks that I need to share, I hope I can save someone a lot of pain if I do...
One of the men I manage name is Jarome. He is six foot three two hundred sixty pounds, incredibly hansom and black. He has a low sexy voice that makes every woman in the room take notice every time he speaks. He is smart, very-well educated and mannerly. A real gentleman…
It was just a few weeks ago when Jarome and I were sitting down in the office sort of celebrating a victory, we managed to solve one of our biggest client’s problem. It was one of the toughest ones I had ever been a part of. Between the two of us we had it tackled and taken care of in a manner of three very long and tiering weeks.
We both where exited and pumped at the same time, full of energy to burn. I am not sure if it was me or Jarome that suggested we go out to a bar to continue to celebrate. Either way I found myself sipping a scotch and soda with this handsome man across the small table form me.
The bar had a small dance floor and he asked me to dance. The music was slow and gentle. Of course, I accepted, I loved to dance. I for the first time in my marriage put my arms around another man feeling his strong muscular back.
He raped his strong arms around me and I felt wonderful. I can not tell you why I didn’t think of my husband of twelve years. The perfect man for me. All I could think of was the handsome man that was holding me on the dance floor.
He danced me around the small floor, I don’t know why I did it but I pressed myself to him, smashing my smallish breasts to his chest squeezing myself to him. I could feel his arousal, it made me smile. This man, this handsome big man wanted me.
I am sure it was my Euphoria not the booze that made my decision for me. he brought me back to the table and invited me to his apartment. Again, I didn’t hesitate.
Bryan had to go to the state capital to petition new permits for some construction sight he was attached to. Jess and Cindi, our kids were out of town with there grandparents. I was completely free for the night.
As soon as we got to his apartment, we were all over each other. I was naked before I got to the bedroom and so was he. We made love fucked and did a lot of other things till almost four in the morning when we fell asleep.
We woke up around nine, my phone was dead. I had sex with him again before we got dressed and then I left to go home.
I have no idea of why I never felt guilty or ashamed of what I did that day. I took that as a sine of knowing it was the right thing to do…
I smiled almost the whole day. I was so satisfied that I really couldn’t be happier. I took a shower. The kids came home I made them lunch and they spent the rest of the day in the front room playing Xbox. As long as I had some time to reflect on my passions of the last night, I was just fine with that.
Bryan gotten home about four that evening. I made dinner and we always ate as a family. One of the many things I loved about my husband. Another thing He didn’t dwell on what he did in the capital but instead asked me a lot of questions about my night and what I did. He was always concerned and liked me to tell him everything I did when he was away. He always just liked it when I shared my life with him, but for some reason this time I felt like he was interrogating me. I began to snap at him telling him what I did when he wasn’t around was none of his business. If he really cared or gave a shit about me, he would have taken me with him or not gone at all. I shoved my plate across the table causing a big crash when the plates hit the floor. Then I stormed off to bed.
Bryan wasn’t in the bed when I woke the next morning. I got up and fixed breakfast for us and the kids and was sitting drinking coffee and looking out the dining room window when I heard Bryan come in and have a seat. he sat down his coffee he had poured and wouldn’t look at me. “Janice, I am sorry. I had no Idea that you wanted to go with me yesterday. I would have taken you in a heartbeat if you would have asked. I am really, really sorry Janice….”
I looked at him. “You never think of me. only of you and your precious job. Dammit Bryan…” I got up and left the room. I berated myself and kept asking me why I was being this way to my husband. He didn’t deserve this. He was a good man and never ever deserved what I was doing to him. yet for some unknown reason I just couldn’t stop…
The day went on I decided I would make love to my husband tonight to make up for the hell I put him through today. So, after dinner I went to him to kiss him, initiating the great sex I was going to have with him tonight, but I guess Bryan was hurt more than I thought. He held up his hand, looked at me then said, “Janice? What the hell is going on? I don’t deserve this, I had to go to the capital for those permits, 65 men would be without work Monday if I didn’t, I love you and have invited you to go with me many times, You never accepted, What the hell is going on???”
“Nothing is going on Bryan. I have just not been myself. I was board without you and the kids and I guess I am taking it out on you. I am sorry Bryan.” I would have kissed him again but he turned his head. “Bryan… what’s up. I am trying to kiss you…”
“Janice…” he looked at me for some time. “I am going to bed.” He got up and walked up to our room.
I wanted to yell, scream, fight. But I didn’t want to put him through anymore than he already endured. I loved him and wanted him. I waited for a while then went to our room. I got naked and crawled under the covers. I snuggled to him putting his strong calloused hands on my naked breasts. He rolled over. Talk about a cold splash to the face.
Monday I was afraid Jarome would make things really awkward at work. But to my surprise he didn’t. he acted normal just as he always had. We quickly got back into our rhythm salving problems. That Friday Jarome asked if I wanted go out again for a drink, I told him “no,” because the family was home and I needed to be home with them. We had a good weekend all four of us stayed around the house. We cleaned up and got a lot of honey dew things done. I have to say I really enjoyed the weekend with Bryan and the kids.
The next Wednesday Bryan told me he had to leave on Friday to go to Atlanta because of one of the projects his firm was attached to was about to shut down…. He told me he wouldn’t be back until Monday, or maybe even Tuesday. He invited me to go along, but I had to work and what about the kids. He told me that my parents where taking the kids for a long weekend at the lake house.
I decided to stay home for the weekend. I had to many things going on at work to take a vacation at this time. but I kissed Bryan and thanked him for asking me to go.
Thursday morning, I was so excited that I told Jarome about me being free all weekend. That Friday I packed an overnight bag with plenty of nighties to show off to my new lover. I left work and headed straight to Jarome’s apartment. We didn’t get out of bed until Saturday afternoon.
I for the first time since this started, I had begun to feel creepy. Jarome was again phenomenal in bed but after that he wasn’t anything. Just flat. We shared no interest except sex and work. I started packing up to leave. I skipped the shower figuring I would get one when I got home. It was just to creepy to stay here any longer.
Bryan had called three times on Saturday. He each time asked me where I was and I to told him I was out shopping once, just out for a drive on another occasion. Then the third time I told him I was in the back yard. I felt really bad lying to Bryan. after I hung up the third time was when Jarome started pissing me off. He would laugh and make fun of my husband, calling him a cuckold and a chump.
That is where I started to draw a line and decided to leave. I had everything packed and was about to leave when Jarome looked at me in confusion. We argued for a moment. He couldn’t figure out why I would walk out on him. I just told him. “I don’t love you Jarome. I love my husband. I want my husband. I don’t want you Jarome.” I turned and walked out the door and headed home.
It was Saturday not long after noon when I got home. I had been well fucked for the last day and a half. So, obviously I was a bit worn out. Things didn’t seem quite right, as I walked to our room and started unpacking. I had to put away and wash all my cloths before my husband saw my bag. I didn’t ware much of what I had brought, much to Jarome’s dismay. I put everything away and took my dirty cloths to the laundry room. There I separated them and started a load. My first load contained all my panties including the ones I had on. Jarome came a lot, and always wanted to come in me…. not that I minded at the time but I had to get rid of all the evidence of my adultery.
I went to the bathroom and took a long hot shower. It was amazing… I felt on top of the world. I had a short time affair with a really hot man that new how to fuck. I ended it and was now going to recommit to my husband that I loved more than anything in the world.
I called Bryan that night. He was short and put me off quickly. I told him I loved him and couldn’t wait to see him.
He didn’t come home on Monday. The kids did and I reconnected with them. they are wonderful kids. I loved them so much. We played and laughed all day Monday.
Tuesday, I called Bryan again but he didn’t seem to want to talk to me. I tried to reconnect with him. I even tried to talk dirty and offer phone sex with him. I noticed something…. He didn’t ask me where I was each time I called. I thought that was funny. He didn’t come home on Tuesday…
Wednesday…. I went to work and avoided Jarome like the plague. I had nothing to say to him. We were threw. It was about noon that Wednesday I was called to reception. There was a man there who served me with divorce papers. I went home the second I was served the papers and strait in the house.
In the dinning room, on the table, there was a folder on it with photos of me and Jarome in several embraces. There was a written report with witness statements and other things that just showed how dirty and discussing this really was. There was also a white handkerchief glued to a stick and standing like a flag. On it was written “The better man won!!!”
My husband, the man I loved, the man I married, the man I wanted to grow old with, the man that gave me my children, the man I ached for, longed for, was gone. I had ruined my life….


Chapter two

It had taken three months of nothing but fighting tooth and nail threw our lawyers that finally brought us to this room. I sat in a very uncomfortable chair in a waiting room. Across from me was my husband. He was not smiling or being talkative at all, not that I blamed him. I had ripped his heart out. I wished he would come over here and slug me for doing what I did to him… I knew he would never do that though. He had always been to much of a gentleman to ever strike a woman. Even if, like me she deserved it.
I was just about to give up trying to get his attention. we have been here about twenty minutes and he only scowled at me. I got a couple of grunts out of him, but that was it. It was more than I deserved…. Truthfully, this was a last chance stich effort to save our marriage that I destroyed ever so completely. My proverbial hail marry pass so to speak….
“I like your suit…” I say with a pleading smile.
His look told the story. I would rather slap you than talk to you. The thing is… I would welcome the slap.
We heard noise down the hall… three people walked past us. Then a slender, tall woman came to the door and smiled at us. “Hello, I am Candis. Fallow me please.”
We fallowed the woman to a small room. It had a high back leather chair in it with a very small love seat. the room was small, richly decorated to have a homey feeling. My husband stood in the middle of the room staring at the minimal choices where he could sit. “I guess I can stand.” Bryan said determinedly….
I sat on the loveseat to one side leaving plenty of room for Bryan to set with me. but I knew he would have a hard time with it. we had not spoken sense before he had served me with the divorce petition. I knew he wanted nothing to do with me, and I couldn’t blame him. I put myself in his eyes several times I would have been upset too. I would have done the same thing.
I was praying that this could help. I still had no idea of what to expect but I was told that this woman could fix thirty percent of doomed marriages after adultery. It certainly wasn’t a sure thing and I was footing the bill myself, it was the only way Bryan would go, so I agreed to pay the bill in full.
“Would you like to tell me why you two are here?” Candis started. after Bryan finally sat on the love seat with me but not touching me.
Bryan and Candis both looked at me. I looked down. “I cheated on my husband with another man. I hurt him deeply and I regret it. I never wanted the other man or anyone else. Only my husband. I made a huge mistake. I know it was wrong and I should never done it. I am still not sure why I did.” ok now that is done hope they don’t want details.
Candis turned to Bryan. “Would you like to elaborate.”
I looked at Bryan hoping he would scream at me strike me. yell, slap I didn’t care just do something.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a stick with a white paper stuck to the top on a small base… he handed it to me. it was a white flag, on the flag it again said. “the better man won…”
Bryan got up turned and walked to the door. he turned at the last moment looking at Candis he finally said. “I have to do this for three months, or go to jail… So, I guess I will see you next week.” Then he left. I started to cry.
After I settled down Candis wasn’t very compassionate with me. She told me that what I did was the single most destructive thing I ever could have done to my marriage. She told me that there were no guarantees but she would do what she could to try to get Bryan to start to participate. She told me that unless he started participating in this there would be no hope at all.
I think I knew all that… hearing that there might be hope at all was what I had to hang on to.
Candis started talking to me about emotional needs. I dint know what they were. She gave me a list, then she had me list them in order. She told me that when we compared them to my husbands, they would be much the same but in a far different order. The chances are that Bryan was not fulfilling some of the needs I had in me and Jarome did for a time.
She told me the good news is that the affair was over and completely gone. One and two I was ready to give him up completely. She told me that there would be no hope if I wanted to keep seeing him at any level. She suggested that I start looking for another job. As long as I was still working with Jarome, Bryan would consider him a threat. Even believe that we are still together.
I had an excellent job I really didn’t want to quit. But my husband was more important than my job. So, I told Candis that I would talk to my supervisor about a transfer….
Candis then told me of the significance of the flag. Though I thought I would figure this out on my own… She told me that he competed for me when we met, and dated me and eventually wooed me into marring him, essentially winning me. He thought the competition was over when we wed. when he found out about the affair, he felt like a looser. Like he lost the only thing that made him a man. He is questioning his ability as a man, a lover, a provider and protector right now. She then emphasized clearly that This is a dangerous time for him.
Then she told me something that scared me…. the flag is telling me that he has figured he lost. That he can’t win. That he is a looser without a fight... Or that I am not worth fighting for…
I begged her to tell me what I could do… she just told me that I needs to back off and try to be there if he changes his mind to participate in this…. She also said to stay as far away from Jarome as I could get.
She told me if there were any communications between me and Bryan to keep some things in mind. One and the most important was he is angry, and hurt. He will try to say things ugly and mean to hurt me. it is a natural reaction for someone. She told me that it was very important that I avoid what she called Love busters. Or things that would hurt him. he will be throwing them at me constantly but I should avoid retaliation at all costs.
I told her that he hasn’t said two words to me since I had been served with the petition for divorce.
She told me that we had two children together and that would change. very soon. She was right. The kids needed to see their father and I hoped to use that as an aid to start a line of communication.
She then told me that I needed to be careful. Because he would soon become extremely angry.
I didn’t want to tell her I would welcome this.
Then she told me that when this happened, he could get physical and dangerous…
I wanted to tell her I would give him a stick. I really hatted myself for what I did to my husband and my marriage.
Candis made two appointments for us, one for me one on one to get to the problem of why I did such a stupid thing. The other appointment was for both of us to try to talk the pain out and start to rekindle something of our relationship…
She also said she would try to set up a one on one section with Bryan and her….
I payed for all three sessions in advance for the month. I only had three months to change Bryans mind and take me back. After that the judge would grant the divorce.
I went home and cried my eyes out again. The next day I talked to my supervisor and told him I wanted a transfer. He asked why and I didn’t want to tell him about Jarome at all… but I had to so that I could get the transfer, there wasn’t any way around it.
As it turns out, Jarome was transferred here after he had an affair with another married woman at the last place he worked. He was here on probation and was probably going to be terminated. I begged them not to do that to him… they said that they would take my plea into advisement.
I went home and cried some more.
I got the word the day before my one on one session with Candis that Jarome was terminated for conduct unbecoming and they wanted me to stay where I was if I could. I told them I would…
The next day in session I had great news… Candis, somehow had talked Bryan into participating in his one on one session. She told me that he opened up a lot but would not tell me what they discussed. She didn’t have to. He was talking. Nothing else mattered.
We went back to the emotional needs that Bryan wasn’t fulfilling that I needed and I just couldn’t see any that he didn’t fulfill. I know I really wanted to find the reason and I new that Bryan was a great husband. I still didn’t know why I cheated.
With all my euphoria I hoped Bryan would start communicating with me in our group session. But the only change there was the size of the flags. They kept getting bigger, and he kept walking out.

Five weeks into counseling. Bryan was still walking out. I have a collection of white flags that I so wanted to burn… The kids have been with me the hole time but they would go to their dads today after school for the weekend. I baked them a cake to take with them. yes, I had motives, Lemon cake, it was Bryan’s favorites.
I looked at the phone and saw that Bryan was calling. Small trimmers of hope sprang in my heart as I pressed the talk button.
“Bryan?” I said a little shaky.
“Janice? This is Bryan… I want to know if I could keep the kids till Monday night since I am off Monday?”
My heart sprang at the nice tone in his voice. I smiled for the first time in I don’t know how long and started to answer him “Bryan, I don……”
CRASH….. I herd a window break in the front room. I gasped and hurried to the front room. “What the Hell are you doing here…” I screamed at the large black man that just stepped through the broken window
“YOU GOT ME FIRED YOU FUCKING SLUT!!!” Jarome screamed.
I yelled “Get out, get out, get out….” Then he had me……

Bryan:

After the unexpected arguments that occurred out of the blue for no reason, I talked to my dad about it. he had me talk to another man he knew. That man told me that my wife was having an affair. I actually laughed at him.
After a few beers and laughs we made a friendly wager. My dad is a detective for the sheriff’s department. His friend was a P.I… We wagered that if he investigated Janice and didn’t find anything, he would take all four of us out to a nice seafood dinner at red lobster. If she was cheating, I had to pay his bill. The rates where not all that expensive, so I agreed and let him know I love lobster. I just knew she couldn’t be cheating on me.
He told me to set up the opportunity for him. I agreed and we came up with the plan to tell her I was going out of town for the weekend. I felt awful lying to my wife deceiving her as I did. So, I went home on Friday night to let her know that I had misled her, calling before I did. she wasn’t there of course.
I stayed at the house all night Friday and all-day Saturday calling her several times asking her where she was. I had to leave finally. I didn’t feel safe. So, I went to my dad’s house and stayed in his guest house ever since.
I dint tell anyone where I went and where I was staying. I just couldn’t stay at the house. especially after I had her served on Wednesday.
Janice was fighting the divorce tooth and nail telling her lawyer that it was a stupid mistake. I kept pushing it. finely the judge sinned an order forcing me into counseling for three months. I had to attend or go to jail for contempt.
So, I did… The order didn’t say I had to participate. When I saw Janice for the first time since her fling, I remembered why I fell in love with her. she was my world for several years. The mother of my children.
I played it cold and cruel. My heart was still not nearly healed from what I had found out. Not only that she was cheating on me. but I couldn’t compete with the likes of him. I decided to surrender without a fight. I was beaten…
This lasted for a while. I was supposed to pick up the kids after school for the weekend. I was driving up to the house early wanting to ask her in person and sit with her and maybe clear some air with her about some things…. We hadn’t really talked since I found out. Candis our therapist suggested it. only if I could keep a civil tongue in my mouth. I knew I could so I called her just before I got to the house not wanting to sneak up on her and catch her with someone else.
The conversation on the phone was going well until I heard a smashing sound in the background. Then all I could hear was her screaming. I guess some sort of protective instances kicked in because I floored the car and pulled into the drive-in seconds after I lost her.
I saw the broken window and charged into the house after I opened the glove box and pulled out a taser. I heard her scream again and ran into the back of him grabbing his arm. I swung him around and into a wall. He turned on me and went to attack me. I gripped the taser and shoved it to his chest pressing the button that activates it.
AAWWW was all I heard as he dropped like a rock kicking and jerking as he fell.
I held the taser to his throat and told him “One more move mother fucker and I won’t stop till the battery’s dye….” I started to hear sirens and was surprised the cops where called evidently by one of the neighbors…
Finally, I looked up to find my wife, she was face down on the ceramic tile she wasn’t moving and I saw a lot of blood.

4 weeks later:

I was setting on that damn little love seat that I was beginning to hate. I was somewhat relaxed, and in a better mood than I had been in several weeks.
“How is she?” Candis asked with deep compaction in her voice.
“The same. She is still in a medically induced coma. The swelling in her brain still hasn’t came down. We are still waiting. I will be going back to the hospital after I get done here.”
“Kids?” Candis asked.
5“Still back and forth with my and her folks. I get to see them for a wile at the hospital. We are getting along well. They are taking it better than I thought they might.”
“Did you go to his arraignment?” Candis asked with a bit of a scowl.
My smile answered the question. “You know I couldn’t miss it.”
She shook her head. “what did you tell the judge?”
If it was possible my smile got bigger. “I simply told her that I didn’t or wouldn’t mind it one little bit if she let him out on bail or even on his own recognizance.”
Candis threw her head back and laughed. “What did she say?”
“She said that she would hold him without bail and speed up the trial. For his own safety.”
“Are you going to forgive her?” she asked.
I had been going to these sessions ever since she was attacked. I know my wife was going to make it I refused to see it any other way. However, it has been over a month.
“I told you I would let you both know that together.” I say not looking at anything.

Candis knew the answer. she was toying with me, somehow, I knew that too.
Then I said… “I started praying, and telling god that she could fuck anyone she wanted anytime she wanted if he would just end this and bring her back to me or something…...”
“Bargaining?” Candis asked.
I ignored her question and said. “You know we have a lot to work threw to save our marriage. It was more than just the affair. I have to know why she did it. I have to know how to make sure it can never happen again. I have to make dam well sure that…….” I stopped again. I did this a few times as the emotions of what might happen would hit me. I wouldn’t ever let them go.
“Bryan, what if she doesn’t come out…..”
“THAT ISNT GOING TO HAPPEN…… SHE IS COMING OUT AND SHE IS COMING HOME. WHETHER WE ARE TOGETHER OR NOT….” I said fervently and loudly. I wasn’t budging on this. I made sure she knew that. She had been trying to prepare me for the possibility that she may not come back. but I wasn’t going to listen to it.
I headed back to the hospital after the session with Candis a little annoyed. How dare she make me even think that my wife isn’t going to pull threw. I went into the hospital and headed to her room, walking with a purpose.
As I started to pass the nurse’s station however one of the nurses called out to me, in I voice I didn’t like. As soon as she did all activity in the station and around stopped at once. I looked at the nurse and cocked my head as I looked at her…. I could remember my lips starting to quiver, then my chin then I could feel the tears start to drip form my eyes as I felt my heart being squeezed. Then everything went gray.

What now:

The next several months were nothing but a gray mist. It was like I was watching a faraway movie play out before my eyes. I took the kids and held on to them tightly as I could. They where the only solid thing I could see before me at the time.
I remember there was a funeral. There were services after, or where they before?
I remembered Jarome pled guilty to second degree murder and was sentenced to fifteen years mandatory in a federal prison. They would not tell me witch facility.
The grand parents both wanted to spend every weekend with our kids. I made them switch off every other week end and I had the third one myself.
I had managed to get into a pattern. I got them up and ready for school, I got them fed and drove them to the school myself every day. After school I picked them up and took them home helping them with there home work. Then we would talk some and watch television until bed time.
One day as I pulled into the school lot the security guard there snapped at me asking me what the hell I am doing there. I jumped his ass just as hard saying “I am taking my kids to school fuckwit. What the hell else would I be doing here?”
Then he asked “On Saturday???”
I remember going to work during the week, but I wasn’t able to do anything. A good thing I owned the business. I had some pretty sharp guys helping me with it. they did a good job keeping it together until I could get a grip on myself.
What hurt the most was the fact that I didn’t tell her I still loved her. I didn’t tell her I forgave her. I never told her that it was ok. That I could get passed it. that I just needed to hold her and tell her that I forgave her the moment I found out about it. that is why I was so angry. I forgave her and I was angry at myself because I didn’t think it was a good thing…. I never told her that my anger was at me not her. that her affair was as much my fault as hers. I had failed her….
I had moved back home so the kids could have some sort of normalcy. Each day seemed a little easier than one would come along and it would get even harder than before.
I went to a gem and started working out, taking my anger out on the bar bells… it helped. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into years.
I woke up one day and saw my thirteen-year-old daughter Cindi and my fifteen-year-old son Jess had started to grow up. I asked myself when that happened?
But that is another story….
Thank you for reading
R. Lee Benton