A Fathers Guilt

I want to first off say that I know I'm sick, I know I'm mental and deranged and I am a disgusting man who probably does not deserve to have a family. I want to fix myself and I want to not have this problem, but its like an unwelcome disease in my head that I can't control.

I'm 42 and I'm married to the most amazing woman in the world, I am so lucky to have her. I know if she found out what was going on in my head she would leave me in an instant.

Here's the story of what happened:

Our house has two bathrooms upstairs, one is upstairs and has two doors, one adjacent to the parents bedroom and the other adjacent to the corridor. The other one is adjacent to my daughter's bedroom, and the only way you can access it is through her bedroom.

Normally my wife and I use the one next to our bedroom, and my daughter uses the other one for herself. However, for a period, the shower in our bathroom was broken and unusable.

For this period, my wife and I were using the other bathroom for showering when we needed to. It was no big deal, it just meant that we would have to wait for someone else to finish first.

I returned home one day, it was a really hot day on Friday afternoon. I had had a particularly long day at work, with a lot of trouble and stress, and had afterwards gone for a two hour jog before jogging back home.

I got home in the afternoon really tired, drenched in sweat, my bodies aching, really tense, yearning for release and relaxation.

My daughter who's 15, was upstairs in her bathroom having a shower, so I thought I'd wait for her to finish. I didn't know if she knew I had come home yet or not, she probably hadn't heard. My wife was at home and she knew. After some time, I walked past the corridor and hadn't heard any water sounds for some time, so I figured she would have finished the shower. I wouldn't just barge in the shower, it had a lock on the door in any case, and I would see if she was in her bedroom, and if not, call to see if she was in the shower, before proceeding into the bathroom.

I opened the door into her bedroom, and sure enough she was there, but she was lying asleep naked on the bed. I can't even describe what went through my mind, me, the 42 year old father of this 15 year old girl.

She was just lying there immaculately, her eyes closed, her breathing raising and lowering her chest peacefully like an angel. Her body still glistened from the shower, her hair was still wet, and her skin was so white and smooth.

I stood there staring, at my own daughter, for at least ten minutes, while every perverse sexual thought entered my head. Its like my mind could not see that she was my daughter, I had every sexual urge towards her, I wanted to kiss her, lick her, have sex with this beautiful creature in front of me.

I just stood there for ten minutes, a gargled mess like my brain had fallen out of my body. Eventually I got a hold of myself and proceeded into the shower. There I unloaded all my sexual thoughts, I masturbated like I haven't done in a long, long time. I don't even normally masturbate, I hadn't done so in weeks. But now I masturbated like I've never done before, all the while imagining what it would be like to have sex with my daughter.