Sand Angel

Mondays were the worst.
All through the college, tales of the weekend's conquests and defeats, often lies but sometimes truths were swapped, traded and bandied about. Naturally, some of them were about me.

I had schooled myself not to react, not to show the hurt that they caused. But through the hubbub of people talking, my ears focussed on every person that uttered the word "Slut!", knowing that, in all likelyhood, they were speaking about me... often lies but sometimes containing a grain of truth...
They didn't know all of it, either and what they didn't know were the most damning things of all! Those ones hurt me the most... because I wanted to suffer for my bad choices.

I walked towards my first class of the day, hearing snippets of conversations on the periphery of my hearing.
"... slut! Yes... that's her..."
"She's the one that..."
"... I thought she was a slut! Why would she do that?", I recognised the voice's... couldn't stop myself from looking at the small group of girls... former friends that had abandoned me. I stopped... suddenly overwhelmed with loneliness again. I wouldn't cry! I... would... NOT... cry!
"There she is, go ask her if it's true!!"
I wanted to scream at them, "Just... fuck... off and leave me alone!" but it was pointless. Being confronted by outraged girls who had been told I was sniffing around their boyfriend had become commen... making it worse, some boy's were willing to claim the lie as truth, too.
Sure enough, Rebecca stood and approached me... I relaxed slightly, Bec's was slim, willowy... not the person I would have picked to beat me up, for some imagined slight.
Still, I braced myself for the latest cruel accusation... all too aware of the tears, just held in check.

Bec's walked in close and scrutinised what I hoped was an impassive face. "Is it true, Tania?" she asked quietly, "People are saying that Tom Grady thought you would... have sex with him... tried to... force you to... but you fought him off... that you taught him a lesson!, is it true?"... she stood, looking at me...

... He wrapped his fingers around my pony tail and pulled me over, until gravity pulled me down and I fell backwards... he pinned me down... I saw him spit onto his hand and rub his saliva over them... his hand lifted the swimsuit to one side, exposing me to his fingers, to his view... his cock firming up... pressed against me... I slapped him... a solid blow to his face.... it left my hand stinging with the force of it... his lip started to bleed...

It wasn't the memory that did it... it was the concern in Rebecca's voice... she cared! The tears welled up, I closed my eyes and they were pushed outwards. Rebecca suddenly hugged me and said "Come and sit with us" leading me back into the circle of girls... old friends... all caring, compassionate... and all outraged that Tom had done what he had.

How could I explain that he had been trying to help me?... and how had they found out about me hitting Tom?




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I walked towards class, grimly aware of the wide berth everyone was taking around me... the accusatory looks that I was getting. Tania had been on my mind over the weekend...

Stupid!... as if the memories of her sister and Mel weren't enough to cope with!
I'd combined Tania with Tina, blended passive and resistive memories of them both and come up with an amalgamation that was haunting me now... Submissive... resistive! hot! cold... closed, yet open... there was more to this girl than I had imagined. She was fast becoming an obsession...
I couldn't focus on anything else... we'd won the game... just, but the coach had picked me out as not performing well... had bawled me out. When the others gave me grief afterwards I explained that I had met her... not everything, of course. I didn't realise that I had a huge imprint of her hand on my face. Didn't realise that the rumour mill would turn on me...

... surrounded by a protective circle of friends, Tania walked past. I swear, she smiled at me!... my eyes lit up and I smiled in return, but Rebecca Smith stabbed her hand into my chest and growled, "Stay away from her, arsehole! She said no!" and the group chivvied her on... she was never alone at school after that ... unlike me. I watched her... followed them... desperate to speak to her... until I realised I was acting like a stalker... I forced myself to stop doing it. I couldn't stop her coming to me in my dreams though... or the nightmares that drove her away.






The Weekend!

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I had wanted my twin sister's boyfriend... wanted to have him the way my sister did... she'd told me what he was like, of course. Fun... gentle... big cock and all that... there was something about him, like a memory, that made my thoughts about him... vivid. My body responded to him in a way that I had never felt for a guy before... I wanted to get his cock into me. He'd be gentle, caring... I would get him to do all the naughty things that I thought a guy could do for me. It was bad enough that I wanted to do have sex with him, but I had let him know it... he'd seen my desire and rebuffed me, he was going out with my sister after all.

His rejection made me realise that I could never be near my sister, when he was around. I shut myself away from my sisters life and love... experienced loneliness for the first time in my life. It's harder for twins. My avoidance of my sister hadn't gone unnoticed, our circle of friends quietly closed ranks around Mark and Tina... shutting me out as if I never existed... rumours... always the rumours! More than anything I needed to be loved. The had been precious little of that in my life recently.

Life at home was bad too, the tension between Mum and Dad was palpable these days and I knew I was the cause... Dad had never treated me the same afterwards... and I blamed myself for that... everything that had happened was my fault. He loved Tina... but not me... not now. It was clear to me that he didn't consider me part of the family anymore. His rejection hurt... I moped around home, avoiding them all, but having nowhere else to go. It was all my fault! I knew that everyone blamed me... and rightfully so... because I was a slut... because of all the things I had done, would do... I carried the blame with me, it weighed me down, it tore at me.
I was a slut, both in rumour... and reality!!

It was another sunny, summer's day... the old crowd, the popular ones, had gone swimming, out to the local swimming hole for the day... Tina had let me know, we... I... used to have a standing invitation... but not anymore...
Happy to be invited, I'd changed into my one piece swimsuit, put on the yellow floral sarong to cover my legs and compliment the swimsuit. I made ready to leave.
Happy!, I walked down the hallway towards the kitchen... I stopped... hearing Mark, talking to my Mum.

I couldn't go if Mark was going too. Of course, he'd be taking his Pick up... of course Tina would go with him... she expected me to go out there with them... both. I backtracked to my bedroom and closed the door. I told Tina that I had changed my mind about going when she knocked at my door. I was certain that her care and concern for her slutty sister was a sham... I was the loose bitch, who had tried to move in on her boyfriend. After I was certain that they had gone, I walked back through the house, catching Mum talking to Dad, "... lose her! I don't like Tania the way she is now!. She's different, you're treating her differently too. We need to do something about that ....!"
I inserted the word "Slut" into the pause... they all hated me! Mum knew, Tina knew and Dad knew better than anyone.

I'd left the house and walked out towards the swimming pool... kept right on going... off the property, down the road to where it interesected the railway line and, wanting to be away from people, I turned and followed the path beside it. We lived on the outskirts of town... I just kept on walking... finally breaking down into tears on the first bridge that I came to... I could cry here... no one would hear or see me! Even if they did... who would care? I was a good mile or so from the nearest house and I'd seen only a rough track that crossed the line and headed into the large ox-bow that the river formed just before the bridge.

I sobbed, engulfed in sadness at how shitty my life was and was destined to be. I plonked myself down and stared with wet eyes into the deep, still, water below... I sat there until my bum started to ache, searching for a solution in the water. I'd thought about it before... death... death would solve everything! No more aching heart. No more troublesome slut causing problems. I lifted my head at the sound of a train horn in the distance. Could I?... My breath came in gasps... but I quickly became reconciled to the idea... do it now!, Tania! So I sat and waited for the train, waited for death to come rumbling over the top of me.



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I wasn't returning to town by the road. It took too long. I was following the train tracks from close to home, back to town, to pick up my car from where I had left it. Luckily it was Saturday, I had plenty of time before the game. The tracks followed the curves of the valley, crossing the river several times as it went. A train was coming, it's horn had been echoing around the hills for the past 5 minutes or so. The trains were easy to avoid, I'd been going this way since I was a boy.

Walking on the ballast, between the rails, I rounded the bend and headed towards the last bridge before town. I saw a figure sitting on the edge, legs dangling over the side. I continued to walk... I could tell it was a female... the form hugging swimsuit made that a no brainer! About my age, I guessed, blonde, not ugly as far as I could tell from this distance... my mood brightened... eye candy! I appraised her curves as I neared, evaluating how fuckable she was... old habits die hard... I couldn't stop making the appraisal, even if I wasn't going to do anything about it.

How long had it been since I had had a girl in my bed?... months! and I remembered the disaster that was the last time. I... would never forget the moment of discovery, my panicked response... the disgust, that I had stooped to using drugs, still lingered inside me. I'd tipped out the rest of the first bottle, threw the other one away.

The horn sounded again, louder... the figure glanced towards the sound... didn't move though... was she stupid? The bridge wasn't long but she had better move soon, anybody could see that there was no room to spare to be on the bridge when a train came through.
Now the rumbling sound of the train's engine reached me, less than a mile away, still hidden around the bend and the corner of the hill... and still she didn't move. I walked faster...the distance between us closed... I knew her!

Tina Nolan... just sitting around... alone. Still very desirable, despite what I had done to her... and very dead, if she didn't dodge that train!

The Nolan Twins were matching bundles of sexuality that just drew your attention whenever they appeared... the effect was heightened when they were together... their casual closeness, smiling, happy... so hot, so indifferent to me... most guy's really. They were right at the apex when it came to beauty and sex appeal... but they weren't apex predators... they didn't flaunt themseves... but every guy knew they were hot.
They were the subject of discussion in the locker room... did they? did they not? Who'd done them?... I couldn't admit to my team that I hadn't fucked either one of them, then others jumped onto the same band-wagon and from that the rumours started... I didn't really care. The old me didn't give a shit about that. I had finally snared one of them... Tina Nolan... it had taken drugs, but I got her, done her. Even unconscious, she had been great... although I had come to regret it. Tina, Mel... Mum, had made me realise the error of my way's... It was an experiment that I'd never repeat.... and I couldn't undo the damage... it was obvious to me that it had fucked Tina's mind up...

I knew why she left her boyfriend, watching as her friends abandoned her as the rumours slowly destroyed her... dull-eyed, withdrawn... poor Tina.
That had been months ago... almost a year... I had thought she was getting better, slowly...

But now, the realisation that she didn't intend to avoid the train and recognition that I was the cause, filled me with a new kind of horror... I hurried to reach her, as the train came into view... the driver sounded the horn, as a warning and I yelled at her also. She heard both sounds and looked towards me, face streaked with tears, expressing shock that I was there, so close to her and moving swiftly towards her. No doubt she thought I was after her again. She stood and turned away from me. I thought she might jump, the water wasn't that far down but she chose to offer herself to the train instead, arms held wide, seeking to embrace it. It's brakes were shrieking now, too late to make any difference, as it came onto the bridge.





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The noise from the train didn't cover the bellow from the other direction, I looked that way in shock and then fear... him! and so close!. I stood and stepped into the train's path, spreading my arms and closing my eyes as I anticipated the train's impact.
It came! a solid impact... it hurt... but the shattering of my skull, the crunching of my bones, surely the last sounds that I would hear?, didn't happen... and the impact, my body picked up, carried swiftly backwards, smashed beyond recognition, was less than I had expected and skewed sideways.

My soul, freed from my shattered body, moved swiftly in a downward arc!... I wasn't going to heaven, then?
Girls like me went to Hell?...
I'm sorry, God!
Forgive me?

I hit the water and then that big stupid lump, Tom Grady, landed on top of me...



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I'm quick! But I couldn't sprint, the bridge only had crossbeams with gaps between them, even so, I reached her in time, swerving to tackle her side on, lifting her up and throwing us both off the edge.
She was underneath me, landed first, the water stopped her fall but then my body smacked into her and the impact drove her under.

I surfaced, flicked my head to clear my eyes... where was she?... Fuck!... 3 feet down, eyes wide, looking at me look at her. Arms held wide, an imploring expression on her face, like a siren offering herself to me. The sunlight through the ripples on the surface cast light across her skin, highlighting her body's curves with rainbows that that traced their way slowly over her. Even drowning, she looked hot...

I think she had been winded, when I landed on top of her.
For fuck's sake! Why she was so difficult to save?
I dove down to fish her out. She wouldn't thank me for it but she couldn't posibly hate me any more than she already did. If nothing else it would have been a waste of good meat... someone would thank me for it.
I dragged her arse out of the river, pulled her up onto the sandy bank... I was happy to just get her to the waters edge. She was hard work. Luckily, she wasn't as dead as I thought she was, she rolled over to retch water out of her throat and mouth, sucking in as much air as she could and choking it back out again. I wasn't doing much better.
My own coughing didn't stop me from noticing what the paroxysm's did to her body. Her tits were being thrown around in all sorts of interesting directions... I got a good look at everything down to her belly button, as her breasts and cleavage were thrown forward, straining the material outwards, showing me the curves leading to the underside each time, nipples erect from the cool water... aerola moving around.
I recalled how they felt in my mouth when I had sucked on them... as I had said... I'd drugged her up, stripped her off and done her... but then her body had been still, inanimate... nothing like the movement that I was appreciating now; on her hands and knees, swimsuit in disarray, pulled tightly sideways around her body, up between her arse cheeks as they moved like she was being taken from behind... the little choking sounds coming from her as if I was deep-throating her, my cock being gripped by her throats contractions... but I had fucked up any chance of that... I felt regret... any possibilty of that had been ruined by my past actions. No, Tina Nolan hated my guts... I couldn't expect anything else, anything at all.... from her.

Finally, she got her breathing under control, rolled over, sat on her butt and glared at me. "What the fuck?!" She wheezed, "You throw me off the fucking bridge... and then jump on top of me... what are you?... a fucking idiot or something?"

Well... I hadn't expected gratitude and hadn't got it... "I just saved your arse!" I growled back at her, "Fine, go and wait for the next train and I'll let you die next time!" I leaned forward, the horror and fear of the moment changing to anger... She closed her eyes and then looked over, at the bridge... I thought she was contemplating doing just that. Then her eyes screwed shut and she started to cry... leaned forward and put her face into her hands. I watched that for a few seconds then dumped myself beside her, looking away as she cried... she was so fucked up!

But it got to me... I'd treated her in the worst posible way and now she wanted to die... I hestitated for several seconds, then sat down beside her and tentatively put my arms across her shoulder... I was so fucking sorry!... I expected to get punched in return. I wouldn't have minded... anything but the bereft sound she was making. We sat there for a while, her crying slowly quietening.

She cried long enough for me to start thinking about her body again, watching the beads of water run down her face, from her hair, dripping off, to run down the side of her boob, wishing my fingers could trace that path, getting caught between weight of her breast and the skin of her chest, before continuing down her stomach, making cold shivers develop in her as I slid between her legs. Making her wet, running between the two sides, filling the space there with my wetness... feeling them rub together, compressing me with her tightness...
Unconsciously my fingers started to stroke her shoulder in a different way, squeezing it gently... a pulse made itself known in my cock and it started to press against my shorts, they were loose fitting and I could feel the wet fabric inching over the head of my dick as it started to stiffen.

I slid my hand towards her neck, and rubbed it between my thumb and forefinger, feeling the coolness of her smooth skin. Feeding the sensation in my dick... Tina, closed her eyes, leaned in towards me and sighed...
She needed me!... I could be good for her this time! My cock would enjoy the smoothness of her body, as I ran it, from behind, gently inside her wet willing p... she raised her arm between us and jolted my fingers away from her neck... out of contact.
Yeah... she was right... bad idea!

"I'm sorry for what I did,", I said tentatively...
She looked at me, confusion on her face. Then she comprehended what I was trying to say and said... "Oh... I'm Tania..."... the quieter one, of the two... the one I hadn't drugged and messed with... raped.
"So... why", I inquired, gesturing towards the bridge... Tania closed her eyes, the last of her tears slipped loose and started it's journey down her body seeking to join it's cousins as they moistened her... I pushed my mind away from it's musings and focussed on her reply...
"I'm a slut!. Everybody hates me! at school, at home... I just couldn't stand it anymore!" Tania said.
" You?..." now I was confused... sure, the rumours had her as someone who would readily drop her panties for fun or better grades and that disgusted some people, made others jealous and made guys lust after her or avoid her totally. But what was that to do with her home life?

I couldn't understand how I'd missed it... easy girls had been at the core of meeting my needs... that she had been there, available, all along, beggared belief... Nah!... I would have known!. Her entire demeanour was of someone disinterested in sex.... or getting so much that she didn't need anymore. I would have known of that, if it was the case. Sure, there were rumours but no hard evidence... there were girls that were readily available... they advertised the fact openly... the two groups were complete opposites to each other in styles of dress and manner.
"You're not a slut!", I told her confidently.
"I am!... I wish I wasn't, but it's true! you know nothing about me, Tom Grady!" she fired back.
Well... that was true enough!. I thought it through quickly... OK... she was a slut! Excellent!
"Fine... I might be wrong!" I conceded. I casually ran my hand towards her wet hair... she pulled her head and body away, but not enough to stop me reaching it...




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and entwining his fingers around my pony tail, he gripped it and pulled me backwards.
Gravity took over and I fell onto my back... he moved to his knees, then he fell across my hips, pinning me there. I was trying to escape now, Tina had told me what he had done to her... and now he was not even bothering to stupify me first... creep!. With his weight squashing me flat against the ground, like a turtle, I had to use my arms and legs like flippers, to get purchase in the sand. I managed to move forward several inches, I rolled over, I was trying to scrabble away from him, the top of my swimsuit scooped up the dry sand and funnelled it down my chest, filling my cleavage and with dry gritty heat. But then he rolled me onto my back again and his weight pushed my bum deep into the soft sand and although I bucked and thrashed around, trying to dislodge him, he kept me pinned down, moving to hold me underneath him. He was hard... I mean... I could feel his muscles bulging with effort and bones digging into me, with no give in them, as I tried to escape. He was strong enough to make me... to take me... I opened my mouth to scream but his left hand clamped across my mouth, muffling the sound and turning the scream I wanted to make into little grunts of fear, outrage and exertion.

I heard him spit, I rolled my eyes back along my body, groaning as I saw him spit onto his hand again and rub his saliva over them... he spat a third time and examined the result critically. Satisfied with the result, he reached down and ran his fingers along the line of material on my swimsuit leg, easing his fingers under it, then along it... towards my inner thigh, his saliva easing the way... cock firming up now... not as hard as the rest of him, but getting there. His hand lifted the swimsuit to one side, exposing my blonde pubes, my slit to his fingers, to his view... he drew in his breath at the sight and touched me there.
His weight bore me down, into the sand, body pressing downwards to overcome my attempts to crawl away from him... on my back, I couldn't get any purchase in the loose sand. His finger's were firm and deft... but... also soft and gentle, he caressed the outside... despite having clamped my body closed, his moisture was seeping inwards, wetting me... I knew that he could have moved his fingers into me, I expected it... expected his erection to follow, move from being pressed against me to rudely invading me... I expected fists to punch me, compliance to be enforced, until I was too damaged to stop him... but he didn't do any of that.



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I had never "forced" a woman... not physically... tussled naked... with woman when they wanted it as a prelude... but Tania was fighting for real, as she struggled to be free, writhing in fear, using her full strength to escape... it wasn't enough... and the thought, that I could do what I wanted to, excited me. My leg was between her's, holding her open. My cock pressed between us, being stroked by the contact. Dominating her, I slid my fingers towards her vagina. I was well versed in that skill and it was easy for me. I stroked the outside with my finger tips, feeling the smooth shaven skin of her bikini line, then transitioning through her pubic hair, running my fingers up and down until my spit wet her groove, her clit, circling the outside, waiting for her to be the slut she asserted she was... it didn't happen...

Yeah... nah!... Not-a-slut! but... she felt good underneath me... I didn't want to stop... I didn't have to stop! she felt good for it... hot squirming arse underneath me... thigh sensually rubbing my cock. Make her... take her! my cock felt good for it... just bring the two together! She didn't have what it would take to stop me... I humped my cock, the slithering sensation feeling so good. It provoked her into making a final last-ditch effort to escape, but she was getting tired... she would be exhausted soon... I could clearly interpret the low moaning sounds she was making now... NO!... NO!

No! I thought to myself... she was Not-a-slut! and not to be raped.
I rolled off her and sat next to her. Looking away from her, across the river. Trying not to look at her body... catching my breath, not feeding the hunger with the sight of how dishevelled... and desireable she looked all mussed up. Getting myself under control... it was hard work... I could have taken it from her... No!
I just sat there shaking my head at myself... Tom... you fucking idiot! at best, you'll be arrested for sexual assualt.



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Fighting for my breath, I stood... terrified, angry, crouching slightly... ready to run... Why had he stopped? His kind didn't stop! What did he want... to enjoy running after me... chasing me down before continuing with me... fuck me in amoungst the trees?. What game was this?

I was aware of where his spit covered fingers had stroked me... even more gross was the sensation of gritty sand cascading down my body, from my boobs to groin... filling all the crevices of my body, it's rough dryness adhering to his spit, starting to rasp at my skin as I moved... it was around my clitorus, around my bum too. I winced as the sand started to grind away on my sensitive bits.
It was dumb... but my outrage won over fear and pain...




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She slapped me... a stinging blow to my face. I wiped the blood from my lip and looked at it. I knew that one punch would knock her flat... and pushed that thought away. No... I deserved to be slapped.
"See!", I said... "You're not a slut!!... a slut would've rolled over and taken the easy path... You're Not-a-slut! and if anyone would know how they act, it's me!.... I bet all the stuff that is going around school about you is bullshit... am I right?"




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The rumours at school were either outright lies... or contortions of the truth into worst case scenarios.

I was pissed off at his rude handling of my body but his repudiation of my claims made me obscurely pleased... that at least someone didn't think I was the dirty girl that everyone thought. Odd, that it was the last person in the world that I would have thought would care.

"All except those about Mark", I said...
"So you went behind Tina's back, pretended to be her and tricked him into fucking you?"
"No!... never!... he just saw that I liked him... liked him like he was my boyfriend... liked him enough to have sex with him. I'd been having strange dreams about him even before he and Tina got back together. He just saw me looking at him... and he... I thought he liked what he saw, wanted me too... then he looked shocked. He... looked disgusted at me" I tried to remember exactly how Mark had looked at that moment.
"Disgusted at himself", Tom muttered quietly.
I didn't know what he meant... but Tom didn't elaborate... "It's sounds like a misunderstanding... you made Mark into something he isn't and he... imagined... that you would be exactly like Tina, which you are not."

Still, some of the things I had done were not subject to rumours... and they were the ones that I despised most about myself.
As if reading my mind Tom asked, "... and at home?"
I shivered... No way I was going to explain that to Tom Grady! He was looking at me... waiting. I shock my head vehemently! "Something I regret... don't ask... but it was bad!, wrong of me. Dad... my parents, hate me now!"



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I glanced sideways at her, she was flushed with emotion... embarrassment, I thought. "We all do things we regret", I told her, thinking about her sister... my Mum... Mel...
Tania nodded, suddenly standing and wading out into the river, kind of relaxing in relief as the water reached past her hips... she stopped and looked over her shoulder at me... she expected something, I could tell... I gave her a "What?" sort of look and shrugged to indicate that I didn't understand... my imagination was hoping she wanted me to join her, skinny dipping in the afternoon heat and rooting under shade of the tree's, just over there... she twirled her fingers, indicating that I should look away... Oh!... right! I started to turn but when I sneaked a peek she had looked away again and was busy stripping off the swim suit, peeling it off each shoulder and rolling it down her body. She was covered in dry sand, most of it fell off as she pulled the swimsuit down. Her breast's lost the support it offered and they fell slightly to the side, from my lower position I could see the underside of one only... covered in sand... the aerola was hidden from view. Forbidden, more erotic for not being visible, I couldn't look away... swimming naked with her came to mind again. Neck deep... arms sculling slowly, her breasts inviting me as they moved in the current... my mouth seeking them...
Her hand...
She dipped herself to shoulder deep a couple of times but then, apparently unhappy with the result pulled the swimsuit down further out of sight, under the water. Her body tapered to a slim waist, the clear water offered a shimmery view of her bum... my imagination was more than capable of telling me that her arse was magnificent... firm... contoured in a way that would meld perfectly with me... I stood quietly to get a better view. I wanted her. Wanted that perfection to be mine... truely mine, not just taken briefly.
Her hand was doing interesting things too... under the water,creating small ripples as it moved. I was sure she was stroking herself... cleaning sand? my spit? It looked like she was masturbating... Oh... Not-a-slut!... You such a tease!
She reached down to grab her swimsuit again, I checked out her titties as she bent over... not huge pendulus things, they were nice, taut with gravity, she would look great, even without a bra. I watched her lift the swimsuit up again, hiding them away and then running her fingers around the legs, aligning it on her bum and on her fron... she turned and caught me looking... looked aside... kind of sighed to herself, as if she suspected that I would be, but had hoped differently... at least the emotion that I saw wasn't the desperate despondancy that I had been there before.




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He had no qualms about looking at me... no respect for my request for privacy... perhaps I had expected too much from him?
I guess it was kind of a compliment... better to see Tom's look of appreciation of my body and... to have the head of his dick outlined against the fabric of his shorts... better that, than Mark's look of contempt, the crude insults or invitations that I had been getting from others, or the cold avoidance of my parents... of Dad.

I was happy... no that was overstating it... I was OK, accepting, that Tom had been there, saved me... saved my soul.
Oh, for fucks sake, not Hero worship, Tania?
A merest flicker of a smile reached my face as I looked at him. No... but credit where credit was due... I had never heard a good story about Tom Grady... but he had helped me...
I waded back out of the river, noticing the marks that I had made in the sand as I had struggled with my hero, as he had groped me... forcing me into accepting that I was "Not-a-slut!" because I had struggled against him... it.
Faced with my options, when "fight!" or "flight!" had ruled my mind... the third option "you're a slut!, let him do it!" hadn't even featured in my thinking.
During my unsuccessful attempt to escape... I had created a sand angel. It was a crippled, broken winged thing, cast in violence, gouged and clawed deeply into the sand. It wasn't beautiful to look at, but ugly, an image of how I saw myself. My thoughts darkened again but Tom, following my eyes violently kicked sand into the depression until it was gone.
"Not-a-slut!" he said firmly... I felt gratitude... I felt apprehensive... now what? I was alone on a riverbed with an unpredictable guy, with the worse reputation imaginable... he could change his mind at any moment and then... I wouldn't have a choice... I shivered.
I looked over at him, he was staring at my body... his eyes snapped upwards and he saw the look on my face.
Don't show him how scared you are, Tania!


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She was frightened of me... the goosebumps might be from the water cooling her skin but I thought not.
Idiot! You forced her down and groped her... what did you expect?
Nothing... I expected nothing! I want nothing from her!
Liar!, look at you!
You're looking at her skin, looking at her body, looking at those nice breasts, small nipples, tight stomach... lower... licking your lips... you know she would taste good... feel good... look away... before she decides running away is the wisest thing to do!

I looked at the river, kind of pointed towards the water in a circular manner, indicating that I wanted go in too, waiting for permission to pass her... she nodded, I took a wide berth around her and waded into the river.... I wasn't blocking the way now. I walked in until I was hip deep and shucked my shorts and t-shirt off, running my hand over myself to get rid of the sand, dipping my head under the water to get it out of my hair... not looking at her but staring at the low cliffs on the opposite bank of the river... trying to control myself... it wasn't working. If she wanted to go... she could... it was probably better if she did.





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He'd let me go!
Moving past me to get the sand off too.
He casually stripped off his clothes, tossed them into the shallows. I should have looked away... but I needed to keep an eye on him... I was torn between getting away at the earliest posible moment, while he was not looking, and not giving him something to chase and so I stood looking at the first fully naked guy that I had seen, in broad daylight... muscled, well proportioned limbs, he was tanned... all over... even his bum seemed to be... I caught myself looking intently through the water, trying to verify the impression that I had. He did! Had a tanned bum!...

Tom was lying, eyes closed, on his stomach, on the river bank. The soft sand cocooned and warmed his body as he dozed.... naked, vulnerable, he needed protecting... from the sun... I thought...
I applied more tanning oil to his skin, straddling his thighs with mine, leaning forward and rubbing him gently with my hands, working it in from shoulder to buttock. The heat and smoothness of his skin was pleasant, the scent of coconut and perspiration light in the air... sensual... I lay down, on top of him, enjoying pressing my nakedness into his heat, into the muscular firmness of his body. Tom smiled and reached back with his hands, placing them on my bum and caressing me in gratitude, starting to pull my body forward and backward gently... coating me with the oil as well. I endured his light manipulation for a few seconds, then took control, sliding my body more agressively along his. Aroused, my nipples hardened, poking into him, twin pressure points that rode up and down his back. I started to pump him harder, now humping his bum with mine... I was the dominant one, I was the one who wanted sex.... So I fucked his bum, feeling his butt rubbing me... needing more! It was too late for him!... nothing, no-one... could save him... from me... he was mine now! I wasn't going to take "No!" for an answer! I flipped him onto his back, seized his huge hard cock and straddled him as he finished pulling his shorts back on and turned towards me....



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I turned back towards the beach... she was looking at me with lust filled eyes, body poised... intent, focussed on... I didn't know what... Tania blinked, flushed, looked away... what?... oh! my hard-on! God, I wanted her!... no!... don't even think about it! To much porn!
I never knew what emotion Tania was going to display next... it was hard work deciphering what was going on in her head. It'd been a mistake, throwing my clothes to the shore... the only way to get them was to walk out of the water... my erection obvious... aimed right at her... and what would she do then?... most likely she would scream.
I looked away, upstream...



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He had seen me looking at him! Like he was just a piece of meat, there to satisfy me. Mortified, I looked away. I heard a splash, I looked at him for a moment, as he swam away, as if his life depended on it. The mighty Tom Grady, running away!... No!, you're my little puppy now!, Tom!
I smiled at the thought that he might be afraid of me... but other thoughts came too...

I aroused him, he aroused me, he frightened me, I scared him too, I thought he cared... but he was going...
another rejection, my mind told me... there is no-one left for you, Tania... you've reached the bottom of the barrel... and even the scum there rejects you!... Tom was your last chance, but he's abandoning you too!
I realised that I had been hoping Tom was different... how foolish of me...
Fuck him! Fuck them all!



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I grabbed her flip flops, raised them above my head, like trophies. I turned back towards the beach... empty! Tania was gone!
Seeing only a flicker of movement amounst the tree's!
I felt a touch of anger. Oh fuck it! No!
Let her go!
No!



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He had shoes, I did not... I walked as fast as I could on the roughly crushed stones around the train track... by the time he caught up with me my feet felt like tenderised pieces of steak. I'd seen him coming, thought about hiding... he wasn't going to attack me, I knew... so I just ignored him.
He came along side of me and pushed my shoes at me...
Fine!
I took them from him, ungraciously and put them on... resumed walking without speaking.
"I went to get them", he explained.
I shrugged at him... as if I didn't care...as if it made a difference!... it did!. He'd done it for me! Why was I being such a bitch?
"Thank you", I said...
"You're welcome!"

We reached the place where the tracks and road intersected... Tom wanted to go to the right... I to the left. We stopped... I felt a reluctance to seperate from him... he had treated me like a human... not in a completely nice way... but at least I felt alive!
He was standing close. Close enough to embrace me. I thought he might of... wanted too... but he was holding back, maybe he didn't think I would want him too? I gave him several seconds to reconsider... but he didn't. I turned to walk away. "Hey!", he said... I turned back and looked at him. "Can you tell Tina, I'm sorry for what I did?" he asked... Tom actually sounded apologetic. I nodded to him and continued to walk home.

That night, alone in my bed, Tom visited me... slipped his big warm body next to me, held me in his arms, comforted me with his presence. It wasn't entirely rational, thinking about him, but... it helped, he helped me to sleep well. I dreamt of him... and him alone.
I told Tina what he had said... "Hhmmp!" she had snorted... Yeah! I know!... It wasn't the sort of thing to be forgiven lightly. Still, I had done what he had asked. Tina was more curious about the circumstances of our meeting... How could I tell her that he had saved me from killing myself? I told her... and about how I felt... about Mark. We cried... she... she said she would always love me. She started to say something about Mark... then clammed up. I could't get any more from her... Mark had done what? WHAT HAD MARK DONE?! She left me, my mind delving into those... dreams... of Mark and I... dreams? or memories? Why were they so vague.... but so real?
























Chapter Two

I was in the darkness, away from the fire and the group of people mingling there. Not participating, not allowed to participate, just watching their camaraderie, brooding over the last couple of weeks... the bruises had faded and I felt fine physically, now. I was holding on to my place in the team by the skin of my teeth, but, to be honest... I no longer cared that much... I didn't have any friends there now.

In the past, I'd have been in amounst that group, so many girls, so little time, ignoring the willing and working on the most drunken girl... plying her with alcohol... to get into her panties. No one had called me out on my methods... No one!... because that was a normal boy attitude, I had done what I liked and I liked sex. Willing... or at least not in a state to say no... but my heart hadn't been into that for a long time.
Being good was so much harder than being bad.


Finally, collectively, all my friends and peers had moved to ostrasize me because of my actions... the irony that the event that had triggered their response, was an attempt to do good, wasn't lost on me. I'd hurt Tina, Tania, Mel... Mum... I knew my Grandparents would be proud of me... they were debased, sick... both of them... but how could a child have known that?. My world had collapsed around me because of my bad attitude towards sex... what had seemed right, normal, was anything but that... but how was I to have known?.

I had left when I realised... but my Grandparents upbringing had come with me, I had been moulded, crafted by them, I was trying to set it asisde... but it was so hard!

Fuck it, I would have been better off staying at home... she wasn't here anyway... my reputation was more tarnished than her's had ever been... she had found redemption, but mine was irretrievably lost.
So I just sat around... thinking about her... us.... there was no "us" and she wasn't here.
Fuck it! just go!
I got up and, unnoticed, walked back to my car, using the remote to pick it out in the darkened area we all parked in. I started the car, turned on the lights and reversed back onto the track. Looking forward again, a figure was now standing in the headlights... all cleavage and thighs with her face in the dark. I put my foot on the brakes, Tania opened the door, climbed in and said "Drive!", she put on the seatbelt as we quietly left everyone behind us.
"Where to?", I asked...
"Anywhere... we need to talk!..." That said, she didn't speak for a several minutes... I headed back towards town... glancing over at her at times... not seeing much of her, in the dark.
Once in town, I started towards the suburb, where I thought she lived... "Not to my place!" she said... I looked at her again, she was looking at me. I caught my breath, she must have spent hours on her hair alone, loose, it fell in waves to below her shoulders, highlighted by the black blouse, the passing street-light showing me another glimpse of cleavage before we passed into the dark again. I exhaled shakily... she did too... "Do you feel like I do?", she asked... I laughed unsteadily "Like you are having a heart attack?"
"That... and... I've been thinking about you... about..." a finger traced over my thigh... touched my penis tentatively.
"Yeah... me too!... but, I shouldn't. I mean... I'm not a nice person, Tania!" I managed.
"It's ok... if that's what it will take to be with you... then I'll be a slut for you... anything you want..." She rubbed my leg more insistantly as she spoke and, as if to demonstrate her resolve, she slid her hand under my shorts and pulled my cock up and out of the top, stroking the head gently.

I tried not to react... I didn't want a slut! Didn't want someone to fuck and forget! I wanted the Tania that I had imagined... I wanted, needed, her to be a girlfirend. What had the slut's that had wanted to fuck me given me? sure... lots of sex, but no substance... I wanted her to be different... not my victim... but not just a casual root either...

"You're not a slut, Tania, there's no need.!"

"We'll see!", she spat onto her hand and began rolling it over the head of my cock... more spit, more rolling. Now I was slick with her spit. I closed my eyes as her fingers started to arouse me... opened my eyes to watch the road.


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His dick started off soft... squishy... I spat on my hand and using my hand as a guide started to squeeze it gently, my saliva making the head damp. Tom's penis started to swell... he might have said that he had no needs... but his body knew differently! His body liked what was happening, even if Tom had doubts. His cock felt so nice, smooth, growing larger, longer in my grip.... different, somehow... the head slipping through my fingers as the road started up the first series of hills, out of town. I spat on my fingers again, continuing to stroke him. He was longer now, I could feel what had been constrained when he was beside the river... I had released him, encouraged him and now he was unrestrained... I had my doubts that it would fit inside me... there was just so much to him! My fingers couldn't touch my thumb, the circumference was too large, I would have needed two hands to hold it all, the head still protuding out of the top of them. I looked at him as cars went past us, hoping the headlights would illuminate it... no... not enough to check him out!

Doubts... but I wasn't afraid to try. Tom was pumping against my fingers, and my rolling fingers were now slicker than my spit alone... thats right, Tom! leak your pre-come! Let me use it on your cock! Just as he was getting wetter, I was too... I rubbed the head with my hand, gripping slightly harder so it had to work it's way past my fingers... a resistance that ended as the thicker head pushed through... it would feel so big inside me!... later... when we got to where we were going... where were we going? Would my first time with Tom be somewhere nice or would I return home covered in dirt? We had been driving for quite a while, passing gateways, where were we going?
"Is that OK?", I asked, still stroking him.
" Yeah, it's good!" He replied in a normal sort of voice. I looked at him, looked at the road smoothly passing by...
" I'm impressed that you can multi-task like this... will you come? or do you want me stop?" I asked...




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She had taken my pre-come and coated me with it, I thought about what inside her would feel like... tighter than this? maybe... probably. Yeah... she'll be tight!
In answer to her question, I dropped my hand over her's and used it to show her what I needed. Press my cock harder!, speed up slightly, now push your hand down fully, so I can imagine being right up inside you!... Feel me pump my cock deep into you... as you push down on it! You will like it, Tania, I promise you... I can't wait to feel myself inside you... on the end of me... yes! like that!, Like that... take it, girl!... take it all... inside... take my come!


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with his hand clamped over mine, I could feel the flexing start, feel his come shoot past our fingers, the glob of come disappearing into the darkness, Tom was making my hand move in a pattern that made him shoot his sperm out, then he moved our hands to cover the top of the head and his hot sperm started to fill my hand instead... I was happy for him... but I hadn't really wanted that! I tried to move me hand away but he kept it there... feeling the pressure of his sperm pushing against and through my closed fingers. When he was done he took his other hand off the steering wheel and quickly milked the rest out of him... then he let my hand go and put himself away... focussed on the driving again...
That felt... gross!
Gee... thanks! I'd always wanted a handful of come!
It was starting to spread across my hand... becoming runny, it might leak through my fingers I didn't want it on my new clothes!... I looked at it dubiously... what could I do with it?



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Fuck! That was good!

I felt my come hitting my shirt... imagining how messy it would be and had put my hand over the head to stop it from happening. Pumped my dick... feeling the pressure inside releasing in spasms...
Oh, yeah!... so good!... open your eyes! Keep on the road!

I held it in place until I was finished... man! that had been intense! Tania was awesome!... and that was just a hand job!

"Tissues?" she asked... in an odd voice.
Tissues?... what fo...? Oh... whoops!
"Oh, sure!, in the Glove box!"
Using one hand, she rummaged until she found something to use... I felt dumb... I had spoofed all over her hand and she had to deal with it.... good one, Tom! that's how you impress the girl!... idiot!
I pulled the car over to the verge... did a U-turn... headed back towards town.




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I wiped his come off my hand... kept hold of the tissue... not sure what I should do with it.... I had blown it.
Tom was taking me back towards town, taking me home... just because I had made a little fuss about him coming on my hand!
I bit my lip... I'd tried my best... but, I just wasn't up to Tom's expectations... I wasn't experienced, not the way he obviously expected, but if I wasn't a slut... what did he expect? Did I have to suck his cock? Offer to fuck him in the back seat... offer him my bum? Do it anally to prove myself to him.
What could I do, that others hadn't already done, or that he had taken from them?

Anything... I would do anything! What would he want the most... do me in the bum?... I exhaled... Imagining his thing inside me... come squirting... No? yes? OK! if that is what it took! Maybe it won't be so bad, Tania! at least you can reason with him! You can do this!... I summoned my courage and asked...

"Tom?"
"Just a second!", he said, looking forward intently... he braked sharply and turned between two gate posts... barely visible in the light. Small pebbles crunched under the wheels of the car.
"Yes?" he asked...
"Where are we?" I asked instead.
"Home... My Mum's place... I kept on going because we weren't finished yet... "
"Oh!"

What I assumed was the house, was big, really big, to my eyes, surrounded with extensive gardens, shrubs and trees. It had a light on... it wasn't that late at night.
I'd heard about Tom's place... the party's he had held here... I'd never been out her myself though.
The drive-way split off from one that went towards the house and headed through the trees to a smaller building, that Tom pulled in next to. I got out of the car and stood... not sure where to go. Tom got out too and walked around to me, putting his big warm hand on my back, guiding me down the side of the building to a side door, which he unlocked.

I hestitated, stopping at the door, suddenly unsure. No-one knew I was with him.
He'd come all over my hand and then brought me back to his lair... I fully expected it to be a den of iniquity, Tom's reputation being what it was.

Would he change now he was here? Shove me towards the bed?, pick me up and throw me bodily, on top of the empty beer cans and abandoned panties that lay, like trophies, scattered over the stinking sheets?. Sheets that were covered in stain's? Would he climb on top, spread my legs and fuck me... adding our stains to his collection?. Sweat, come and God know's what else could be streaked all over them. Unchanged for weeks... months?... Oh God!... surely they'd been changed in the last year?
"Does your Mum do your laundry?", I asked faintly... he looked at me... probably surprised that that would be my first question.




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"Uh... yeah!... she does." I was suddenly pleased that I had long since tidied the place up.
Tania had never been out here before, never been to one of my party's... good thing too... otherwise she would never have trusted me enough to come out here with me tonight or trusted me at all. I was glad that I had changed.
"I'm fully domesticated!", I promised her..., "But don't tell anyone!, you'll ruin my reputation!"
Tania snorted back a laugh, I reached past her and turned on a light, guided her inside and closed the door.
I had tried to make it... softer, not so much my space... but somewhere a girl would feel more comfortable... no girl had been here since Tina and... Mel... I winced at the memory.... just wishing I could forget it... knowing I never would.
I realised that this space, however pleasant I had tried to make it, was tainted in my mind... how could I make love to a woman in this place, where I had done something so bad... I couldn't think about Tania... not with Tina and Mel still looking up at me from the bed, brazenly flaunting what might have been freely given if I had of had the patience to wait or the aptitude to try?

Tania tentatively moved into the room... it was warm. I thought she was impressed. Tidy, vacuumed, the bed had been made! I looked at her as she turned around, surveying it. No, it wasn't big, not like the main house... but big enough for two or three people to stay over, live in, with my own King sized bed and a twin against the wall. Tania looked at my bed... spiralled wooden pillars on each corner and wrought iron headboards.... "Want to chain me to the bed?..." she joked.
I... could. I'd kept the things that I had found in the trash can, after all, they were still in a box, under the bed. She'd never get the handcuff's undone... and looking at porn had shown me many things... I could fuck girls like they were on a casting couch... but what good had it done me?
"Later... if you want me to", I managed... she smiled... I imagined handcuffing her down... she stopped smiling.

She walked over and sat on the yellow duvet and bounced on it, as if to test how firm it was... I saw Mel's comatose body, now draped across the bed beside her, bouncing as well, in a parody of love-making... Tania's sister looked up, eyes half closed, dreamily observing me... I shivered.... that was my nightmare...




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I had to admit the room looked nice, smelt nice... the perfect place to snuggle with a guy... get to know each other... and then? I'm sure we would think of something to do. I smiled to myself.... and then Tom would be mine! or I would be his... or both... I hoped.

I bounced on the bed several times... imagined having Tom with me, on it...
Oh!... to hell with subtlety!
In me, on it... in it, at it... hot, sweaty, clasping, grasping, touching, using, giving, taking, sucking, fucking, rooting... on and on... for ever! Thats what I wanted from Tom... thats what I was offering to him! I would be his... and only his! His to fuck... his to hold... his to love! I would give everything to him... be a slut for him!... only him... and in return... all I wanted was his love. A small price to pay, to make me happy!

I closed my eyes, picturing what was to come... my thigh's were pressed together, pantyhose rubbing sensually on my skin, I relaxed my legs, they parted slightly, I imagined Tom's hand sliding upwards, under my skirt, holding and then drawing the pantyhose slowly off... kneeling at my knee's... he kissed my upper thighs and looked up for permission to continue... I exhaled, aching in my chest, warming inside... wanting his touch... wanting to ditch the underwear too... and then?

I had parted my legs for him!... why didn't he accept my invitation? I was offering myself to him!... why didn't he join me on the bed?.
Surely he had seen me do that? was he so dense that he misunderstood my innuendo?...
I looked up at him again... Tom looked strange, sick even... he was looked at... not me... something else... on the bed! What did he see?
I got up swiftly... looked to see if I had disturbed a cockroach or something... nothing!

"Hey!", he wrenched his eyes from the bed, looking at me now. He was looking at me, but his eyes were dull. What was wrong with him? I stepped in close and put my hands on his hips and smiled... he didn't respond!
I was getting nervous now... he'd gone from bantering about chaining me to the bed... to... I didn't know what... shivering?

"Are you cold?" I asked.
"I keep remembering the bad things I've done... I don't want to do them to you, Tania!"
"Will you?"
I... don't know, maybe, it's all I know!!"
I'd thought he would be stripping me down, erotically letting his hands touch my skin and body as he got me naked... that he was far more knowledgable in boy/girl stuff than me... but he was afraid to touch me.

Well!, I wasn't going to go home empty handed! Hell no! His ... arse was mine!
How to do this?... I walked back to the door and turned off the light.
Darkness!
In the darkness, I tried to retrace my steps, to his side... arms strecthed too wide, I bumped into him. He had turned to face me and I tripped on his feet, the impact jolted me into his chest... into his arms. He wrapped them around me in a reflex action, then they went to my hips as he stood me on my feet.
"Most girls don't throw themslves at me, quite like that", he said... he didn't sound displeased.
I placed my hands on his back and brought myself back into contact with him, knowing that, just as I could feel his legs, hips and chest against me, he could feel mine too. I brushed my top lightly against him and smelt him as unobtrusively as posible, not quite nuzzling his neck to get more of the combined smell of him and the deoderant he was wearing. He smelt good! Pleasantly erotic, stimulating... hot!... my mind added other things to the rest of me... as if I needed it's opinion. I stroked his back, feeling his spine under my finger tips... bumpy... smooth... warm... male!
" So... you don't want to do anything bad to me... can I do things to you?" I asked
"I guess... "

I untucked him slowly, little tugs that drew his T-shirt out of his shorts. Once it was loose I slid my fingers underneath and let him feel my hands against his back again... I knew that simple thing's could be devastatingly effective... I was trying to work out how much I could get away with... when I had tried to get him on the bed with me he had balked. Was it the bed or was it me, I wondered.
I had jerked him off... wrapped my hand around him... he had reacted exactly as I thought he should... he didn't fake his orgasm, not when I wound up with a handful of come!. So... no problem with that side of things I thought.
I pulled the T-shirt up and off him. Returned to holding him, running my hands over his back and shoulders. Now he placed his hands on my back, really touching me, I smiled... it was working!, I exhalted... it wouldn't be long before we were naked!... in the bed, his hard cock doing things to me that no other man could, would... I could pull him deep into me...
I ran my hand down to his butt and, thrusting my hips towards his, pulled him against me, wanting, imagining him entering me... spreading me apart, fat, long cock going inside... my body made itself ready at my thought... wanting him... now Tania! do it, do him... now!
I squeezed his cheeks and pulled him... ground his cock through my clothes, pulled him back towards the bed, he would fall on top of me, his weight affirming his desire, hands lifting the skirt that I had worn for ease of access, pushing it up. Pull my panties down... his legs like a wedge, opening the way for his cock... it sliding along my thighs and int... more hesitation! Goddamn!

Back to just holding him... thinking about what he had been telling me... fine! he considered himself bad news for girls... so... if I took charge... I mean REALLY let him know what I wanted... how would that go?... yes! and no!... slowly, Tania!... you're Not-a-slut remember!
It was hard not to rush... my body was primed... wanting him so much! I would've forced him onto the bed, if I could have.... and Not-a-slut could take a running jump if that was what was going to work! I pulled his shirt off, took off my blouse. Bra?... no... not yet! I started to rub his nipples, thinking: Look! Tom... I have some of those too... want to play with them?... the bra came off... he put his lips onto them, mouthed them, took them inside his mouth. His tongue slowly rotating as I perked up.
His hand lifted my skirt... but then he must have thought better of it because he stopped.
I slowly started to move him around, during the sucking. He knew he was being rotated until he faced away from the bed... went with it until I took a step towards it. Now we were tightly pressed against each other as I tried to shuffle him back... "Move! Tom!", I demanded in exasperation.
He stepped back until both his calf's were against the bed, it wasn't too hard for me to push him off balance and he fell onto it. "Opps!" I said, insincerely, then clambered on top of him... rubbed my nipples across his mouth to remind him what he had been doing.

It had been premature to get him onto the bed... he still had his shorts on... and he steadfastly refused to get naked. I stripped off, rubbed myself all over him... to no avail. "I just want to hold you" he kept saying... finally realising he was serious about what he was saying, I settled down... lay next to him... trying to control my disappointment... not to show how much of a huff I was in.
"I'm sorry", he said, "Do you want me to take you home?"
No!, you fucking idiot! Are you blind!... I want you!
"No..., it's Ok" I replied.
... it felt like a consolation prize, he held me, that was all he did... he was topless, that's all... I guess some progress had been made... if only I wasn't so horny!













Chapter Three:

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I could tell she was disappointed, but despite my wants, I had kept control... she was not going to be like Mel... nor like Tina... I marked the hours passing on the clock... not sleeping at all. Just lying there, thinking about things... Tania, Mel... Tina.... Hoping Tania would be my salvation... not like the others... I closed my eyes!... I'd just take a a slow blink...

The nightmare returned!

I jolted awake, a cold sweat making me shiver as I recalled the moment I had discovered what I had done! The panic... my attempts to hide it all from them... from Mum!

Cold... so cold!
The light of the morning was coming past the curtains.
Tania tentatively put her arm over me, resting on my side, palm in the centre of my chest... warming me with the contact... I was pleased she was still here. She pressed her warmth to me, I felt her body all along mine.... felt my stiff cock pushing my shorts out from my body. Felt her nippples pressing into my shoulder blades... hot, pointy, her groin pressed into the top of my bum. I wanted her!
Her hand moved to rub up and down my stomach..
"Are you OK?", she asked...
"Yeah... I get nightmares, sometimes", I told her.
"About?"
I shrugged, how could I tell her? That would drive her way!
"The things that I regret doing... Tina!", I said, telling her part of the problem.

"Do I help with that, or make it worse?. 'Cause I can go, if thats better for you!" Now her voice quivered slightly and she gripped me to her a little more firmly... I thought she might not have wanted to go.
And I?... I didn't know if I would hold still if things went further... would I run? would I hurt her? Did I trust myself not to? Could I make it so that I trusted myself?



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He moved from my embrace... even his cold skin had excited me... I swallowed back my disappointment.
I didn't want to go home... I knew that if he took me home now, he had rejected me completely... and we'd lost the chance to be together.
He didn't look at me but bent over and pulled a large, flat box out from under the bed. I tried to look into it, but couldn't see from where I was lying.
Something clinked as he drew it out of the box... replacing the box under the bed.
I saw what he was holding... handcuffs... more than one, how many? I didn't know! He was looking at them, strangely.
Now I was the one who shivered.
He placed them on his pillow, a small pile of implied threat... he could do whatever he wanted, once I was chained to his bed... not that I couldn't say no to him anyway... did he not understand that there was no need! I'd offered to be a slut for him... I'd meant it! Why chain me up, like a dog?
This was shaping up to be seriously unpleasant... how demeaning or painful did he plan for it to be... that he needed to handcuff me in place?!
I had wished for so much more from Tom!

Picking the cuffs up again, he walked around the bed to the side I was on, then attached a pair at each of the corners as he made his way back to the headboard on his side... my arms and legs would be pulled wide, my body stretched out as if I was on a rack. Tom pulled his shorts off. His cock half dangling, half erect, twitching gently with his heartbeat.
I bit my lip... he was a big boy! Even more obvious now, in the daylight, compared to last night, when I had only felt, not seen it. His dick poked out from the blond curly pubic hair that covered his testicles.

He got hold of the duvet and stripped it off me, folding it at the foot of the mattress. Then he got onto the bed and sat beside me... He reached for the first handcuff... I closed my eyes... waited for it... it ratcheted down... coming to a halt... I opened my eyes...
"I'll need some help, with the rest!!" Tom said. He'd secured his left foot and was reaching for the cuff on his right side...
"I thought...!" I blurted...
"I trust you!, Tania!..., I'm the untrustworthy one!... now help with the handcuff's will you?" he said.

Reluctantly, I secured him to the bed... what terrible things had he done that warranted these precautions?

"Any Rules?" I asked, the reluctance giving way to excitement... he couldn't get away from me, "Any last requests?" I asked lightly.
"I won't forgive you if you tickle me!", he said, finally looking at me.
I gave a small whoop and tickled him... until he begged me to stop. Arms and legs taut against the restraints. Laughing and threatening me in gasping breaths... cock flopping around as he jerked away from my fingers. I took the opportunity to touch him, finger tips and eyes running over him, touching and feeling him... feeling my reaction to him... feeling... alive... needy! Hungry!

I stopped in mid-tickle and engulfed his soft-on with my mouth, sucking and using my tongue to arouse him, feeling it swell in my mouth until it poked me back, lifting myself upwards as it threatened to choke me, opening my mouth wider to accomodate it's circumference... if his hands had of been free he would have had his hand on the back of my head, feeding more and more of himself into me... cuffed to the bed, he could only pump himself, ineffectively upwards, bright red, groaning, begging for me to stop... only I didn't... not until his pre-come was flowing and his cock was threatening to explode, pulsing heavily with the nearness of his orgasm... then I took a break... leaving him whimpering, fucking the empty space above himself trying to get the release that I had denied him.
"I'm gonna get you for that", he wheezed, still twitching nicely.
"I'm not ticklish!"
No... the other thing!", He said
I'm counting on it!" I replied... watching the slow transformation from erect back to flaccid... aching inside for him... enjoying being in charge. He'd be ready again, soon!
I climbed on top of him, slid forward and rubbed a nipple across his lips, he opened his mouth and tongued it, responding to my unspoken request. I rubbed myself across his stomach, lower, soft cock brushing uselessly against me. I kept rubbing, feeling it transform as I excited Tom, his breathing deepening as he lengthened again... but then, so was mine! He stiffened up as the nearness of me aroused him again, our pubic hairs brushing each others... so close! come on Tom... I'm waiting!... thats it!... big and hard enough to be a part of me now! I ran the head up against me, rotated myself apart and opened myself up with the head. My skin resisted it gently... but I wasn't going to brook any delay, not now! I pushed it into my body, gladly taking him, watching his eyes widened as I made him mine... listening as he whimpered his desire... this time was for him, again... I had to show him how good I could be for him... I had to make him see... to understand... I was his. If only he would let it be...



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I'd never used the handcuff's before.
Never restrained myself for a girl.
But it seemed the right thing to do for Tania.

She jumped on top, straddled me and, under her guidance, I felt my boner worming it's way up inside her, her eyes were closed, she jolted herself onto me, the dryness of my erection being replaced by her lubrication, her mouth smiling, exhaling and making little "Oh!" sounds until I was deep inside her.
I wanted to be the best guy, ever, for her... but... she took me like a whore and, thanks to her sucking me off earlier, had me coming inside a minute or two. I thought she was enjoying it, but she didn't enjoy it enough to orgasm... I did, quickly... but I had wanted her to, as well... I felt unsatisfied... a failure. It was like her mind wasn't on having a good time for herself but just getting the job done... maybe so she could leave...
She lay on top of me afterwards and I couldn't even hug her, kiss her, or do any of the things that might have made her want to stay with me.
Surely she felt my cock shrinking... my now shrivelled, useless, dick being expelled from her, rejected by the pressure of her body. My come, proof of my poor performance, now coating her outside. I closed my eyes as I struggled against my disappointment.



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He looked sad... almost like he was about to cry...
I'd pummelled his huge dick up me, excited by how massive he felt in me... fucked him hard and fast, like I thought he wanted. Struggling to make it happen for him, denying myself my own orgasm... least I failed him somehow.

I'd felt him coming in me, loving the sudden spasms and feeling of his orgasm, laying down along him, head nestled against him, holding him to me as he bucked and strained to fill me completely. The sounds he made!... little uncontrolled grunts of pleasure... so erotic as they stirred my hair, warm on my body...
and still he wasn't happy! Fuck you, Tom Grady!, what more do you want from me?

Even trying to be a slut for him, I wasn't good enough... I was buzzing inside with my suppressed need but, even after coming twice.... he was unhappy with me!.
Don't you dare cry, in front of him, Tania Nolan! Don't you dare!
I got off him and stood beside the bed... looking away from the bed. The tears came, unwanted but necessary... I tried to ride out the emotions, not let him see how I felt... but they made me hunch up and I put a hand to my face, unable to stifle the sound of my crying.
"Whats wrong?" He asked... as if he fucking cared!
"Take me home!", I demanded...
Silence... I turned to look at him... he raised all four limbs until the handcuffs were pulled tight... oh, fine! so he was fucking well restrained... like that was a reasonable excuse!
He looked... upset too, embarrassed.

"The key is still in the box!" he said, flaming bright red...

I wiped away the worst of my tears and looked under the bed, located it and pulled it out... a mid-sized cardboard box, longer than it was wide, maybe 2 feet by 1 and a half. Tom tensed as I placed it on the bed, as if it had hand grenades rolling loose around inside. I opened the leaves, at first unable to decipher the mess of things inside... I pulled the first thing that I laid my hands on out... dropped it like it was a dead mouse and glared in an acussory manner at Tom... pulled it out again. A Double ended strap-on sex toy... my eye started to pick out other things in the box... my heart thudded... I swallowed... OMG! that was serious amount of sex toys... I cocked an eye at him, questioningly, "What the fuck are you doing with all this stuff?!"
"Mum threw the box out when Dad died... I scavenged it out of the trash. Find the key!"
"You saved a box of sex toys?" I asked, incredulously.
"I was ten!, I didn't know what it was!. My Dad had just died... Mum threw it all out, into the rubbish!. I looked in the box, saw the handcuffs, thought they were pretty neat and grabbed the whole box before the rubbish man came! I don't want to talk about it! Find... the... key!" he stressed.

I started to empty the box, it was in such a jumble that that it took a while to untangle and tease out it's contents. I couldn't stop myself from examining each one, working out it's function... so horny that I started to think how I could use each one on myself. Dildo... Double ended dildo... Really flexible one... another strap-on, I tried to figure out what... where ... it was intended to go... Oh!... really?
Battery powered dildo: ZZZZZ zzzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZzz zzZZZZzzZZZzzZzzZZZzZZZzZzZzZZZZzzZZ... Mmmmmm! Stop thinking about it, Tania!
I put it down, aware that Tom was looking at me as I thought about the fun I could have with it. Was he seeing the little gleam in my eye... that I wasn't revolted... but excited... interested in all I was seeing? My tears dried up as I scrutinised the toy's.
He's watching!... move on Tania!
I resumed the search. Under the top layer of items, obviously the most liked and used ones there were other... more... interesting things... black leather? I pulled it out... DOMINATRIX my mind told me... others... large, skimpy... SLAVE-BOY!,studded... THE MASTER!, whips! chains! in various weights... I ran them through my hands, admired the cold beauty of the riding crops, shivered at the one's that promised a deeper level of violence that, in my comparative innocence, I hadn't thought about.

Poor Tom... his mum was a seriously kinky lady!... and it looked like his Dad had been right into it to!
What about you, Tania? Makes you pretty warm thinking about it... doesn't it?....
Not much!... light perspiration... thats all! I lied to myself.

The key was at the bottom, I'd seen it there for some time, but hadn't wanted to stop my investgation... the box was empty now... "A ha!", I exclaimed and pulled it out triumphantly, showing it to him... a little keyring advertised the likely source of the box's contents... Joseph's Emporium! Home of all things kinky, I added after the address and phone number.

I lay the key on the bed and repacked the box, sliding it away before taking up the key again. Took a deep breath... time to unchain him... I hope he didn't react badly... legs... then arms...



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I rolled slowly off the bed, aware of how apprehensive she looked... I flexed my hands and rubbed my wrists, there were marks where the cuffs had rubbed over them.
"Take me home!" she asked again...
She'd been standing around naked during her search for the key... I was starting to want her again. Wanting to touch her... hold her... make her come, I'd had my turn! I needed to show her what I could do for her, but every time I let her do what she wanted... she tried to please me... had pleased me... physically... but... I'd had no oppurtunity to please her and now she was demanding to be taken home... Think Tom!
I looked up and down at her... stepped in close...
"Not yet!"
"Now!"
"No!, not yet!"
"Please?"... Oh! that was unfair! I was torn between being bad for her own good and being the good boy and not showing how bad I could be!

"I need a shower... to tidy up... I smell!... I can't be taking you home to your parents, smelling like this!" I stated, all to aware of my... and her, nudity.



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He did smell... but not badly... it didn't offend me... it reminded me of how he had got to smell that way... I'd made him hot, perspiring as I rode him... why did he think it smelt bad... unless?...
I stiffened up, suddenly offended as I realised what he meant, that he was really talking about my smell, not his!
Could he find anything more offensive to say to me?... to insinuate that I was a dirty stinking bitch, that I offended his nose?!...
I'd done it for him! twice, and now he said I smelt bad?
This couldn't get any worse!
I turned away from him, blushing again... discreetly sniffed the heat rising off my embarrassed body... forced to admit that I could detect the faint smell of my.... and his deoderant, tinged with... active girl perspiration... and the underlying smell of his sperm, it wasn't that bad!.
Fuck him! It was his fault that I smelt the way I did... but he blamed me!



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Tania flushed a deep red colour... teeth clenched... angry!...
Tom... you moron!... she thinks you were talking about her... her smell, as if it was bad... not sexy, stimulating!
She lunged towards her clothes, intent on getting dressed and getting out... fast... and to hell with getting a lift home from me!. I got there first, grabbed her panties and held them away from her as she tried to recover them... abandoned that as a bad idea and grabbing her to me, holding her against me as she struggled.
Keeping control of her, I bulldozed her backwards through the room... into the Bathroom, towards the shower. Keeping control, I turned it on. Waited for the water to heat up, stepped us both onto the tray, closed the door and let us get soaked... now what Tom?



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The rude bastard blocked the doorway, water cascading over us both... I glared at him... fine! I'll have a shower then! I picked up the soap and turned away from him, stepping away from the jet of water and rubbing it over my chest. One hand remained in contact, around my waist, resting lightly across it. I looked down at it, soapy water was flowing up and over the little dam that it made...



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Tania, looking down, bending forward slightly, her bum pressed against me, my cock was pressed between her cheeks. I reached around with my other hand and tried to take the cake of soap from her... I could use that! She twitched it away from me...



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He persisted, taking both my hand and the soap it held and moved it to rub over my stomach... now he thought I didn't know how to clean myself! I let him guide my hand... it was easier than resisting... just get it over with, then he will take you home, Tania!
The soapy hand rubbed my stomach, fingers touching me as the soap helped them glide up and down... his touch made me feel good... I wanted to feel good!! Feel loved!

"You've been away from home overnight... what will your parents say?" Tom asked... I hadn't thought about it... it was the first time I'd done something like this... and I hadn't even sent a text to let them know!... I thought about it now... "Ahhh... I'm not sure what they'll say", I responded...
"What will they think... about us?" His hand pulled me slightly back, against him, against his cock ... reminding me I had spent the night at his place, slept with him... "Us?... I hadn't thought about it", I answered honestly... us? Why did he speak like that... did he think we were together? Were we?... No!

"I didn't mean that you smelt bad... only that... when I drop you off.... I want to... make a good impression... and I've kind of blown it already, with your parents... haven't I?

I started listing his crimes against my parents, sarcastically... as if they cared! "You mean... leading their precious daughter astray, kidnapping her, seducing her, fucking her silly and returning her, spoiled, after a night of drunken debauchery... yes... I'd say you've blown it with them... big time!?"
He froze... "Yeah!...", he said, then added "Is that what you think, Tania?. Is that how you feel about me... because I thought you wanted to be here... that you wanted to do that stuff? and I didn't know that you didn't want to." I could sense his withdrawl... he took his arm away from me, eased his body out of contact...
... I was talking about my parents likely point of view... I didn't reject him! But I could tell that was how he had taken it... what did I really want from him? What should I do?



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Even as I waited for Tania to answer, I began the process of extricating myself from the situation... I was naked, touching a girl intimately, finding out she wanted nothing more to do with me... remove your hand and arm, Tom!... take a small step backwards, turn away, open the door, get more space between you... apologise, get her a towel, get her clothes, get away from her... out into the other room, give her all the privacy that, as a stranger, she deserved. Get yourself dressed and then take her home, face her parents and apologise to them, let them heap their contempt upon you... you deserve it all...
She turned before I could escape, reaching out with her hand, to make me stay. "I do want to be here... more than anything..."
She took me in her hand, soaping me up... knelt down and kissed the head of my cock... it was natural that I started to harden up...
Oh no! not again!... "Stop!" I said... she pulled her lips away from me... looking up at me, perplexed... she didn't see it!
I'd have to explain!... show her!



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I didn't understand... I wanted to be with him!... I'd give him everything!, gave him a lot, already... but it wasn't enough!
I was afraid to do anything now... it seemed like all my instincts were wrong when it came to Tom...
Be forward! wrong!
Go for his dick, like I was sex-cazed, thinking he would like that... wrong!
Suck him, fuck him!... all wrong!
Make him come... No!

I just looked at him... I wanted someone in my life so badly... I was willing to be the woman that he wanted... but what did he want?
Let him show you, Tania!
Let him show you what he wants... your assumptions have all been wrong!
He used his arms to lift me up...


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She gave a little shrug... "What do you want, Tom?", she asked.

I took her in my arms and hugged her body to mine, felt her arms encircling me and reciprocate. Brushed my fingers up and down her smooth back, she was bolder than I was, grabbed my butt and pulled me in closer... I copied her, feeling her firm butt between my fingers... we both came out of the kiss gasping... for air... wanting more... I took the soap into my hand and lathered her up from shoulder to bum, using the soapiness to ease my hand between her thighs, Tania closed her eyes and ground her hips against me, my hand sliding backwards and forwards as the soap washed away. Tania stood higher, now my fingers travelled further... I could touch her!... the briefest of caresses, then she went back onto the soles of her feet... murmuring a soft sound of disappointment. I looked down our front, looking beyond her breast, seeing my cock, appearing, disappearing as we moved... interpreted the rubbing sensation...



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Tom dipped lower sucked on first one, then the other, nipple. I felt them crinkle up as he tongued them... it felt so good... I tried to pull them away, but he sucked one into his mouth and pulled me closer as he opened it wider. One of his hand's slid from my bum, to the front, deftly stroking and then entering me as I couldn't help but let him... I knew he was good with his hands but... he had me seeking more, so swiftly! I wanted his cock! I looked down, reached for him, but Tom dropped down into a kneel, kissed my navel, licked it, placed his mouth between my legs and proceeded to lick me into submission.

I may not have been ticklish, but think I was begging him to stop before he was through... pleading for his cock, begging for him to give me satisfaction, that his mouth did not quite give, shuddering, moaning... trying to make his head do something impossible... I tried to make him stop, too but he chased me around the shower... or I was chasing him... more likely. Finally I had no strength to spare... brought so close to coming that I decided that I would have to do it for myself. Tom saw what I was doing and pulled my hands behind me, bent me over and ran his erection into me from behind... I felt it... backed up against him and... impaled myself on him... crying out as he thrusted, loving the feel of him, striving to finish off what he had made me feel.
Once again the soap was in his hand... he took control, soaped down my breasts... thrusting, pushing me against the glass wall of the shower, mashing my body into stillness, cock fully inside.... I was quivering... so close to coming, he had to feel it... he must feel it... know that just a couple more inches, a couple more thrusts and I would be finished... I tried to do it, yearned for it, strove to make it happen... but, Tom denied me the assistance that I needed... held me still as it slowly started to leave me... I thought I would cry!
He thrust! I cried out, feeling the resurgence of my lust, again... again, again! Harder and harder as I responded to him... the feeling... just... exploded through me... he couldn't stop it now!... it went beyond my control, beyond Tom's ability to make me stop, not that he even tried... this time he worked with me. Just as my body demanded all of him, he worked his meat beyond what we had been doing... my body took it all... he gave me it all... just as I wanted him too. This orgasm was not some quiet thing, a gentle shuddering exploration of my senses... for me... it was primal.

It grabbed me and shook me through and through, as Tom rammed himself home, sandwiching me between the glass and his body, his cock holding me in place. The smooth surface of the shower flexed from the pressure as I was rythmically mashed up against it. My hands and body made the wall produce squeak's and sliding sounds as Tom manipulated me firmly. Everytime I tried to push myself away from it, Tom rammed me back against it again... pain... pleasure... all of it... feeling just perfect, wonderful... just what I needed... the pressure on the glass releasing and increasing, pushing my hard nipples back into my breasts as they deformed under the pressure, squeezed and rotated against the glass... in our frenzy, they were circling, sliding, pressed, released, stimulating me. My face was turned to the side, as I gasped and moaned incoherently at how good it felt, unable to articulate the demands my orgasm made... just respond to them... so good! It was so goood!... the best one ever... better than... anything!



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I listened to the sounds she was making as she came... enjoying her body's willingness to take all of me... a rare occassion for me... I revelled in how she felt while orgasming. Her muscles pulsing in wild contractions, her willingness, her unvoiced demands, desiring more... more!... all of it! I gave all she wanted.... all I wanted her to have...
I had nothing to hold to help maintain the pressure, no control over what she did... wanted. I had my doubts that I would ever give her satisfaction before she made me come... again. I just tried to match her wild motions, so she didn't jump off the end of me. Pressed her against the wall so I would stay inside... it gave her something to push against and everytime she hammered herself backwards, I countered it.... grunting with the effort it took.

The thought that I had gifted it to her made me happy. No... I hadn't got to come this time... but it was worth it to make this occassion the best I could manage... for Tania... and in other ways... for myself.

She slowly subsided... easing into small spasms that gripped my cock, gently playing with it... her breathing coming back under control... hands resting against the glass... I eased back slightly, withdrew from her... kept my hands on her hips as she regained her balance and turned.
I waited... what now, Tom?... will that be it? like some of the others? I waited, trying to see which way she would go...
she touched my chest, looked at me, settled into an embrace, wet skin against mine. "Thank you!", she murmured...
I laughed...
"What?" she said...
"Never been thanked before!" I said to her, enjoying the feeling of the skin on her back... "You're welcome!" I told her.
Leaned back and kissed her...
What next, Tom?
Breakfast!

Then face the parents...