Foodporn
of
Hermann Morr
genre
funny
They.. they do it, real, i swear !
Italians, you know, talking food, bitching each other about culinary correctness, even when writing and discussing porn !
Yeah, sure, i know what y'all are thinking. Stereotype. Bad joke. Exaggerating for comedy sake.
Nah, wankers, i can prove what i say ! I explored their site, Erotici Racconti, and it was like travelling beyond the shoulder of Orion.
It was a dangerous journey, i was sexually abused by Lucrezia and Browserfast.. Mr.Gwyn almost choked me with his cigar .. Alba17 poured a full bottle of bourbon down my throat, in my sleep, and i went nuts and attempted suicide in a bathtub listening Jefferson Airplane.
But somehow i managed to escape back to sanity and tell !
I'll translate some lines and comments now, to prove that i'm not crazy.
Text :
… It must be said that the Brodetto was worth, they gave us spicy oil to be drizzled on toast, a glass of Verdicchio white, the sea breeze swept the heat. Nothing to complain.
Time to pay and get ourselves roasted on the beach, but the unexpected is ever lurking behind the corner.
Unexpected like the two cougars coming at the next table, just as the waiter arrives with coffee.
Me and my friend look at them.
Then we look at each other.
Then we look at the waiter.
We look at them again, they might be about thirty badly worn as about fifty kept very well.
At last i turned to the waiter.
“ Please, could we order something else ? “
The waiter for a minute says nothing.
I think his brain is resetting to process the new input.
He looks at us.
Looks at the two cougars nearby.
Looks at us again and takes up the pad.
“ Ah. I understand. Sure ! What can i get for you ? “
“ Fried fish with lemon juice and a bottle of Ortona white, please. “ …
The comments :
Paoletta - Um ... A couple of notes ... On the Brodetto, the chili goes there fresh, cut into pieces! Heresy else ... Then the wine ... It is full of vineyards there ... In addition to Trebbiano, white ... There's Passerina, Cococciola and of course, Pecorino! But I always prefer rosè ...
Malena – Pao, you made me horny with this response.
Author - The Passerina I would have ordered with a delicate fish, such as sole, but for a fry, i confirm Ortona from Trebbiano grapes.
Paoletta - You want to seduce, you do not start from the wine ... But from its grape …
Author – Know what, today I had a Falerio from the Marche ... it is a mix of the grape varieties that you have mentioned.
Paoletta - Glad that you know the difference, because the ones I just mentioned, before the wines are just vines ... The purity …
Aristaios – I'm not arguing on wines, everyone have their own tastes, but the lemon on fried? Let's talk about, but I think it ruins...
Author – Never on fried vegs, but i like it on fish, dampens the salt.
Seriously, i was looking for some good heartwarming porn, found myself into a Masterchef season !
Thought i would see Bastianich coming out at any moment.
But, maybe an isolated case, let's try another story.
Text :
Tonight I invited her to dinner, I promised risotto with squash, but without onion.
Two hours to prepare, Vernaccia wine bottle on the table, everything was fine.
She came with a half cape fluttering over a black suit, cut to expose the shoulder and armpit, I still have not figured out where the sleeves were attached.
The dinner was appreciated, so far, so good.
After the dessert came my big question.
"What do we do now? Do you want a liqueur?"
"Nooo The wine made me sweat. I'm all weeeett! Feel .."
Is she all wet ? Well come on, good news.
I touched her hair behind her head, I carefully searched for any trace of wetness, moving my fingers along the skin under her hair. Just to be sure i have also gone down to the base of her neck, shoulders, well, she might like a little massage, no ?
Recently she told me about her sensitive feet, not that I'm a fetishist, however, if she needed, maybe she was also wet there ..
I had the word on my lips when she preceded me.
".. Yes, the wine made me sweat, the better I get home."
" Eh ? .. What the .."
Was it a joke ?
She jumped up, picked up bag and cape and headed for the door.
" So, are you really going ?"
"Yes, but tomorrow I'll take grilled vegetables at the supermarket and make dinner for you."
She knew, the wicked friendzoner, that the very thought of bland pre-cooked vegetables would shock me to the point i could no longer react.
In fact, I was so stoned that i could only stare paralyzed, as she walked out and left.
The comments:
Ambra - Oh no, supermarket's grilled vegs are an affront! She didn't deserve the risotto, nor the wine, nor the massage. Let her go ... to scrounge dinners elsewhere.
Aristaios - Next time make the squash risotto with amaretti, if she doesn't capitulate with that, kill her on the spot!
Author – Amaretti go with mostarda in pumpkin tortelli, i don't see them with risotto.
Aristaios - Yes, maybe that's the main dish, but I also had my risotto with squash and sausage dusted with crumbled amaretti, it was a blast !
Lucrezia – Now i'm hungry.
Yuko – Hemlock risotto ! Or with guttalax !
Lucrezia – No, no, better the benzodiazepines.
Lion - She did not give in front of rice and squash? And it was also without onion ...... next time white pasta and walk.
Lucrezia – Oil and lemon.
Lion – I like rice with lemon
Author – You are describing her way of cooking.
No way, they are talking like that all the time !
So, you see now what it was all about, why i'm so happy of being back to normality, between sane and silent people righteously fucking their dogs and mothers, and listening at the important news reported by our resident newspaper seller cutyourhair.
Is there a moral in this story ? When planning a vacation to Italy, memorize the names of local grape varieties, might get you laid.
Italians, you know, talking food, bitching each other about culinary correctness, even when writing and discussing porn !
Yeah, sure, i know what y'all are thinking. Stereotype. Bad joke. Exaggerating for comedy sake.
Nah, wankers, i can prove what i say ! I explored their site, Erotici Racconti, and it was like travelling beyond the shoulder of Orion.
It was a dangerous journey, i was sexually abused by Lucrezia and Browserfast.. Mr.Gwyn almost choked me with his cigar .. Alba17 poured a full bottle of bourbon down my throat, in my sleep, and i went nuts and attempted suicide in a bathtub listening Jefferson Airplane.
But somehow i managed to escape back to sanity and tell !
I'll translate some lines and comments now, to prove that i'm not crazy.
Text :
… It must be said that the Brodetto was worth, they gave us spicy oil to be drizzled on toast, a glass of Verdicchio white, the sea breeze swept the heat. Nothing to complain.
Time to pay and get ourselves roasted on the beach, but the unexpected is ever lurking behind the corner.
Unexpected like the two cougars coming at the next table, just as the waiter arrives with coffee.
Me and my friend look at them.
Then we look at each other.
Then we look at the waiter.
We look at them again, they might be about thirty badly worn as about fifty kept very well.
At last i turned to the waiter.
“ Please, could we order something else ? “
The waiter for a minute says nothing.
I think his brain is resetting to process the new input.
He looks at us.
Looks at the two cougars nearby.
Looks at us again and takes up the pad.
“ Ah. I understand. Sure ! What can i get for you ? “
“ Fried fish with lemon juice and a bottle of Ortona white, please. “ …
The comments :
Paoletta - Um ... A couple of notes ... On the Brodetto, the chili goes there fresh, cut into pieces! Heresy else ... Then the wine ... It is full of vineyards there ... In addition to Trebbiano, white ... There's Passerina, Cococciola and of course, Pecorino! But I always prefer rosè ...
Malena – Pao, you made me horny with this response.
Author - The Passerina I would have ordered with a delicate fish, such as sole, but for a fry, i confirm Ortona from Trebbiano grapes.
Paoletta - You want to seduce, you do not start from the wine ... But from its grape …
Author – Know what, today I had a Falerio from the Marche ... it is a mix of the grape varieties that you have mentioned.
Paoletta - Glad that you know the difference, because the ones I just mentioned, before the wines are just vines ... The purity …
Aristaios – I'm not arguing on wines, everyone have their own tastes, but the lemon on fried? Let's talk about, but I think it ruins...
Author – Never on fried vegs, but i like it on fish, dampens the salt.
Seriously, i was looking for some good heartwarming porn, found myself into a Masterchef season !
Thought i would see Bastianich coming out at any moment.
But, maybe an isolated case, let's try another story.
Text :
Tonight I invited her to dinner, I promised risotto with squash, but without onion.
Two hours to prepare, Vernaccia wine bottle on the table, everything was fine.
She came with a half cape fluttering over a black suit, cut to expose the shoulder and armpit, I still have not figured out where the sleeves were attached.
The dinner was appreciated, so far, so good.
After the dessert came my big question.
"What do we do now? Do you want a liqueur?"
"Nooo The wine made me sweat. I'm all weeeett! Feel .."
Is she all wet ? Well come on, good news.
I touched her hair behind her head, I carefully searched for any trace of wetness, moving my fingers along the skin under her hair. Just to be sure i have also gone down to the base of her neck, shoulders, well, she might like a little massage, no ?
Recently she told me about her sensitive feet, not that I'm a fetishist, however, if she needed, maybe she was also wet there ..
I had the word on my lips when she preceded me.
".. Yes, the wine made me sweat, the better I get home."
" Eh ? .. What the .."
Was it a joke ?
She jumped up, picked up bag and cape and headed for the door.
" So, are you really going ?"
"Yes, but tomorrow I'll take grilled vegetables at the supermarket and make dinner for you."
She knew, the wicked friendzoner, that the very thought of bland pre-cooked vegetables would shock me to the point i could no longer react.
In fact, I was so stoned that i could only stare paralyzed, as she walked out and left.
The comments:
Ambra - Oh no, supermarket's grilled vegs are an affront! She didn't deserve the risotto, nor the wine, nor the massage. Let her go ... to scrounge dinners elsewhere.
Aristaios - Next time make the squash risotto with amaretti, if she doesn't capitulate with that, kill her on the spot!
Author – Amaretti go with mostarda in pumpkin tortelli, i don't see them with risotto.
Aristaios - Yes, maybe that's the main dish, but I also had my risotto with squash and sausage dusted with crumbled amaretti, it was a blast !
Lucrezia – Now i'm hungry.
Yuko – Hemlock risotto ! Or with guttalax !
Lucrezia – No, no, better the benzodiazepines.
Lion - She did not give in front of rice and squash? And it was also without onion ...... next time white pasta and walk.
Lucrezia – Oil and lemon.
Lion – I like rice with lemon
Author – You are describing her way of cooking.
No way, they are talking like that all the time !
So, you see now what it was all about, why i'm so happy of being back to normality, between sane and silent people righteously fucking their dogs and mothers, and listening at the important news reported by our resident newspaper seller cutyourhair.
Is there a moral in this story ? When planning a vacation to Italy, memorize the names of local grape varieties, might get you laid.
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