Alpha and Beta Dynamics

Alpha/Beta Dynamics

I often get asked about my approach to alpha males and how to make the dynamics work between alpha and beta males when cruising or in a social scene. Hooking up or initiating a contact that will lead to something more is harder than it seems. I hope that I can give some perspective on this and share some of my experience. All too often I hear from guys who bump in to the Ying to their Yang and yet are unable to make a physical or social connection happen. Guys who are versatile and looking for versatile action have a far harder task as I hope to make clearer as you read along.

Let me start with some definitions to clarify before we get too far. First, being an Alpha does have something to do with physical attributes but it is more important to focus on the psychological and social aspects of masculinity. Some guys are more aggressive, confident in their aggression and more assertive in different aspects of life. They may be very aggressive and assertive in business or professional life and at the same time not so much in their personal, social or sexual identities. Likewise there are geeks and nerds who are very aggressive and domineering professionally yet very shy socially or sexually. Physical types and attributes are not necessarily a guide to social or sexual behavior. So for the sake of clarity let’s focus on Alpha behavior in the social/sexual arena and Beta behavior in the same arena. Attractions between the two types may focus on physical attributes and in most cases do but we are focusing on behavior and how to react to and encourage behavior. In short, you are a macho alpha blue collar guy and I am a Beta (true) and I want to suck your dick. How do I read your signals and signal back to you my willingness and intent as you do the same to me. Versatile guys looking to simply play and alpha or beta sexual role in a particular situation need to keep signals clear regarding intent. Not so easy.

Getting down to specific scenarios might be more helpful. Social and bar behavior is one thing. When guys go cruising they have more specific objectives and thinking is done more often with the little head than the big head. So lets focus on cruising as that simplifies some of the more complex issues of a social scene with others around and interacting.

First, when you are in a place where guys are cruising for sex you can safely assume that all of the moths in the room are drawn to the same flame: quick sex. That being said you now have to determine the rules of sexual engagement. When, where and what is possible or appropriate for the scene? More than often the “where” is any private space or corner and the “what” is oral sex. Beyond that is rare in a public cruising scene. Understanding that guys will signal their desires and intent differently is critical to avoid confusion and a potentially hostile reaction. For illustration sake I will give two examples of this initial contact from some of my previous writings:

1. “On my loop I noticed three young men sitting on a picnic table under some trees. About 40 yards from them was a rest room and I thought it might be worth a cruise to see if I could get some action. Most of the time I have only hooked up with singles while cruising but it might be worth a try. As I neared I could see that they were young 20’s Latin guys, all wearing tanks and nylon shorts and it appeared they had been on the adjacent basketball court. I neared and made eye contact. Two had shaved heads and a few tats, really good looking guys, and the third, the youngest, had long hair tied back in a short pony tail. As I neared the older of the three watched me and I made eye contact and gave him a little smile. As I passed and headed for the rest room I gave a little swish and looked over my shoulder. The older of the three watched intently.

I went in to the rest room and took a leak and waited at the urinal for what seemed an eternity. I was about to leave when I heard footsteps and low voices. I backed away from the urinals and backed up against the back wall of the building. I then saw the older of the three enter. He looked at me and slightly smiled and my eyes were drawn to his crotch where he sported an obvious tent. I took off my sun glasses and slipped them in to the band of my shorts, then spread my towel on the floor in front of me. He smiled and reached for his crotch. As he did so I dropped to my knees.”

2. “As I rounded the east end of the park I took note of my masculine white friend passing the Latin gentleman. He got no notice. I picked up my pace a bit to get behind him and after a few more steps the hot Latin stud caught sight of me by looking over his right shoulder. I was on the right edge of the trail, no one around, and the white dude kept moving on. As I approached from the rear my Latin friend moved to the left side of the trail and continued at his pace. I came up on his right just short of a cabana and rest room and as we came even on the trail I noted his tent in his nylon basketball shorts. He was in a Lakers ensemble of tank top and satin shorts and obviously no jock. His tent drew my attention and he looked over his right shoulder, noting my stare and gave himself a quick hand swipe of his crotch brushing his cock head hidden under the purple satin material. I looked up from his crotch and as he was staring me down, I licked my lips and put my right index finger in my mouth, sucking the tip signaling “Yes sir I am definitely interested in sucking your cock right here and right now!”

He smiled and we steered to the cabana. Negotiations done. We reached the table and went to the far side away from the trail. He leaned back against the table placing the backs of his legs against the concrete bench. I dropped my towel in front of him and went to my knees. I reached up and dropped the band of his nylon shorts down and his beer can sprang in to my face.”

In both cases guys signaled that they were hard and in need of oral service and I made positive acknowledgment of this signal and signaled my interest and intent to give them head. This is important because guys are not going to hook up unless they are sure you are giving up what they want and nothing more. Most guys in this scenario are not looking for reciprocation and giving any signal that reciprocation was what I expected would have chased them away. As a rule I keep my hands away from my crotch, do not show a tent and make no indication that I am anything other that a completely willing beta ready to suck a cock and move on. That is what guys are seeking in these types of contacts and introducing anything else will just scare them off. So if you are normally versatile you need to decide what you are shopping for at that particular time and settle on it. After you do business and when the time is right you can feel the guy out to see if he might have flipping inclinations. Look for signs and bring it up gently. Misreading a guy can evoke a defensive reaction that you might not like.

The fact that I made no note of physical size, mine or theirs should be a key issue. In one case, the second, my target was in fact physically larger and definitely more masculine than me. In a line up I with him I would be picked as the bitch 100% of the time. In the first scenario it is not so apparent. What signaled the Alpha/Beta dynamic was simply behavior.

Behavior leads you to selecting a potential candidate or candidates and from that point forward you have to develop the scene based upon their signals that acknowledge your invitation or vice-versa. Having said that, once you get the “Yes” signal you have to have a time and place to get it done. There is nothing worse than making a connection and then not being able to perform because there is no place, too many people around or the place does not work for your guy. Doing advanced work on a site is critical. In the case of both parks I knew where there were little corners to play and triggered my cruising pattern based upon those locations. Once a guy says yes I want to get him to a safe place and get to work as quickly as possible. Most guys are in a rush and their time is limited: Momma is waiting at home, they don’t feel comfortable with an extended contact in a public place, they are on a tight work schedule, the list goes on. So the key is to get to “yes” and be close to a place where your guy will feel comfortable doing business.

Getting to the place depends mostly on the time, place and level of activity. In public places you have to be very discrete. Parks, bathrooms and other “tea rooms” are usually patrolled or do not offer a lot of privacy until dark. In Adult arcades and book stores it depends on the management and surrounding clients. Some are free-for-all and many not. Spend time at the place, watch the patterns and people and form your approach on what you see and what you see as safe and effective. There is a local truck stop in my area where a friend and I occasionally go. The truck stop property is alpha territory exclusively and a no go for cruising fags. But across the street is an old defunct gas station with parking lot. A few of us hang out there and queens have for years so the truckers know if they want to get some comfort they can park on that side. We don’t approach the rigs because we don’t want to be obvious but the guys will get out and stroll up to where we park. Once there the less experienced will usually wander a bit and eventually strike up a conversation. The guys who have been there before read who is there and as they approach will give a clear signal. If they get an affirmative response it is off to the bushes for quick business. I have met all kinds of truckers and non-truckers there: tops, bottoms, piss bois, drag queens, lesbians. They know how to size you up and signal and we know the proper responses to make a connection. If they don’t get a read they move on. No one gets their feelings hurt. It all boils down to effective non-verbal communication. A hand swipe of the crotch, a look at the crotch, a lick of the lips. At night lights flashing draws guys close enough for non-verbal signals.

Over the past 20 years or so things have gotten much harder to sort out in the public place cruising scene. The availability of information on the web is bringing more guys to cruising spots who are not experienced cruisers. The end result is they are drawn to the flame but do not know what to expect, how to signal nor to they often know what they want. In these cases guys may signal without even knowing it or may react to you not fully understanding the scene or what you are offering. When I go I try to be as clear as possible without being rude concerning what I am, a Beta or bottom and not versatile and definitely not an alpha or top, and what I am seeking just as I try to be clear on reading signals from guys about what they want. In years past if you went to cruising places dressed blue collar or in a suit you were pretty much playing alpha. Guys dressed in gym gear and Abercrombie style were giving head. It was obvious to informed observers what was going on and as long as guys were discrete it was not a problem except when local law enforcement went on a rage. Today we have to be clear but also be nice. If I have to wave off a guy I do so very gently and usually by just boring the shit our of him with mindless conversation. They will eventually get tired of hearing me blather and drift off. This is usually the result of a guy hitting me for something I can’t deliver or who is just way out of my realm of acceptable type or hygiene. Never be negative unless someone just simply assaults you.

Remember we are all drawn to the place, the flame, for the same reasons. Acknowledge those around you with a nod or smile but not a hand flash to the crotch or lick of the lips unless you want them. Hooking up for quick sex is far more common than people think. Straight guys have always gotten blow jobs from fags. Lots of them. By being clear and learning as much as you can about the environment you will meet folks who will be worth meeting. It should be obvious to anyone who reads ads on the web on the sex sites that imaginations do very often run wild. Keeping expectations and promises within the realm of reality is going to be key for your success. Remember, you are there for quick sex and not necessarily seeking your life partner. Finding a partner who shows up at a cruising site with a full ensemble of Estim machines, a full drag wardrobe and a St Andrews cross in tow is going to be a rare find. Finding a nice clean guy to suck or do the sucking should not be that hard but if you start with a specific celebrity in mind you may be wandering around for a long time and not finding sex. Be safe out there and I hope this has helped you in your quest for the perfect blow job.